The Awkward Meeting of the Replacement

Being a contractor, I often replace people on maternity leave, holiday time and other personal pursuits. Today, the person I replaced on maternity leave showed up at the office, with her new baby in tow.

I always feel awkward in such circumstances. I know I needn’t be – they chose to leave and the company chose to replace them throughout their period of leave.

Still, it is always very uncomfortable when the person who’s desk you’re in shows up and sees you’ve taken up root.

We all have our own ways of working. I’m very organized, neat and tidy. I believe in filing things where I can find them, using Post IT Notes like water to remind me of things to do, and keeping my work area spiffy clean.

The person I replaced was not of the same work ethic. She was disorganized, left files and folders everywhere, and there was a layer of dust so thick once I removed it everyone asked me how I scored the new office furniture. It’s not a new desk – I’d tell them – I just dusted. They still don’t believe me – in fact I think operations is trying to track down the invoice for the “new” desk.

Meeting that person who you’re replacing is like meeting an old high school friend that you’ve lost touch with. There’s a sense of familiarity, but still, something seems amiss. Only difference in the situation of meeting the person you replace is – you’ve never met them before, so it is an even more uncomfortable situation.

There’s the usual welcome, and small talk. Then you watch them and they watch you, as you both look at their former cubicle and wonder what the other is thinking.

They ask how you find the job, the people and the projects you are working on. They always – always joke about how you find their former cubicle, desk, chair or other item which at one point was their office.

“Ah, I see you’ve managed to fix my squeaky chair.”

“WOW, I love what you’ve done with the place.”

“You’ve cleaned up good – do you do windows?”

That’s where things get weird. You joke back, but you know neither is joking. Both you and they depend on this “office” to earn income to keep a roof overhead, food in your gut, and clothes on your back.

This is where things get personal.

It’s mine – you think. Chances are they are thinking the exact same thing.

Being a contractor, I’m used to coming and going from one office to another. Leaving as the original person I replaced comes back, or in some circumstances, actually training and up-dating the person who I’ve replaced upon their return.

Until I get a gold plaque on a solid door, and an office with a skylight in it – I won’t consider any office “mine.”

Not so for the person I’ve replaced. They aren’t used to being replaced. Probably not the least bit comfortable with how I’ve rearranged their space to suit my working style, and they aren’t really joking when they bring it up. They are scared.

Jobs in this country are not easy to come by. We have far too many people for the far too few jobs worth working at. So when someone has become settled and comfortable in a decent job, they tend to want to stay there until death.

In comes the contractor – AKA moi – and I automatically re-gig their workspace to suit my temporary needs. It is common practice to work in one’s own space – even for us temporary contractor types.

But the common worker bee that’s been doing the same job forever, and plans to keep doing their same old gig forever doesn’t see it that way. They see it as a threat to their employment. They see me as a threat to their livelihood. They see someone who’s taken over and rearranged their office.

None of this is verbally communicated – it is all in the body language. But being a student of non-verbal body language, I pick up on it pretty quick.

Colleagues always do too. They must, they always comment after the person I replaced leaves about how nice it was to see them again, but chances are they won’t come back – so your gig is secure.

“Really?” I pretend to show interest in becoming a permanent fixture in my new found home.

“Yeah, you can tell when they come to visit with their new kid, that they want to give up work and become a full-time parent.”

Funny, I hear this sort of line of reasoning all the time, but I’ve yet to be offered a permanent gig. Usually the person I replaced comes back – they get tired of midnight feedings and constant diaper changes. Not too mention the lower income level really pushes them back into the workforce. Having a kid is an added expense, and if you have the opportunity to get more money – such as going back to work – you do.

Still, it’s always funny to hear people speak like that after the person I replaced comes in for a visit. Means they picked up on the awkward tension between their colleague and “the replacement” (me).

I guess you can’t stop someone from coming back into the office. It isn’t exactly Fort Knox. But still, the workplace is no place for uncomfortable awkward feelings. The more awkward and uncomfortable you make it, the less productive people are, and the less gets done.

All I know is – if and when I do somehow give up my freedom to become a slave to the labor camps of permanent employment – and if and when I take a break requiring a replacement take my place – I’ll never visit the office and make that poor contractor feel like a second-rate replacement. I won’t come back until my time is up and I have to return to the old grind.

I know better from being there than to make someone else go through an awkward moment. Now, if only there were a way to teach this lesson to others?

Loose Lenses

Anyone who wears eye glasses knows, with time the screws holding the things together come loose. If you don’t tighten them up, eventually the lenses will pop right out and blunk onto your desk – or worse, on the floor.

Usually I take my glasses to any eye glass store and they will tighten them up free of charge. They do this because they too know that eventually the screws come loose and if they didn’t tighten them the lenses would blunk onto something or other. It also makes good business sense for them, because if they treat you right, next time you need new glasses you may just remember them.

I don’t mind going into the eye glass store to get my glasses tightened every so often. Today when I went, I also bought some lens cleaning solution, to keep them spotless.

But I figured, wouldn’t it be nice if I could tighten them up myself. Now, anyone who’s read this blog knows I’m none-to-handy. It took me ages and ages to get my new curtains up.

But tightening up some glasses is really simple – it is just a matter of tightening up some screws. There aren’t any holes to drill, no plastic bits to stick in, no measuring, none of that hard stuff. Just screw it back in place and your done.

So I asked at the eye glass store where I got my glasses tightened if they have one of those eye glass repair kits. I’ve seen them before, they have a multitude of small screw drivers to fit a wide assortment of eye glasses.

The lady at the eye glass store showed me a key chain that had one screw bit on it. The bit didn’t look like it fit my glasses, and it didn’t have other bits for my other glasses. So, I asked her if they had any other such eye glass repair kits.

She didn’t have any others, so I got my cleaning solution, and my nicely re-tightened glasses, thanked her and went on my way.

But I wish they did have that handy kit. I had one before, I think I bought it at some grocery store downtown of all places. Since then, I have long since misplaced this kit and I haven’t seen any other kit anywhere else.

And at the hardware store, where they have a screw driver for just about every screw head imaginable, they don’t have ones small enough for eye glasses.

Eye glasses are very common these days. Most people I know have a pair some don’t even need glasses, they just wear fancy designer frames for fashion.

So why is it so hard to keep your own glasses in top shape? Why can’t the manufacturers use common enough screw sizes to make it easy to get a screw driver to fit them?
Maybe they are hoping us naïve consumers will simply go out and buy a new pair when the screws come undone and the lens blunks down in front of us?

At hundreds of dollars a pop – FAT CHANCE!

Maybe they are trying to get us all to wear contact lenses?

I wore contacts for a few years while in high school. Back then, I guess I was vane enough to worry about such things. But all the solutions, the constant cleaning and the occasional times when you actually lose a contact lens all add up to making glasses the better choice.

So, we come back to the initial problem – where to find an eye glass repair kit?

Maybe I should some how build my own eye glass repair kit? I bet if I did, I could sell it and make a mini fortune.

Okay, so anyone know how to make a screw driver?

I Hear Birds and Bees and Trees

My apartment is literally right next to a major highway. I’m used to the sound of traffic – actually I find it soothing.

This weekend, the highway is closed for repairs – so all is quiet.

On my balcony, I listen but there is no noise.

Wait a sec . . .

What’s that odd sound?

I hear chirping, buzzing, and swooshing.

Birds, bees and trees – the sounds of nature! That’s what that odd noise is.

It is funny, I don’t hear these sounds too often from my balcony. Usually the sound of the highway below drowns out these sounds. It is nice to be able to sit on my sunny balcony, and hear nature.

Very quaint, peaceful and relaxing.

Funny thing is, I actually miss the sound of traffic somewhat. I guess I’m so used to it that something just seems off without it. It is like having a favorite pair of blue jeans. They may look really old, worn, even torn and ripped. But they fit like a glove and give you a certain sense of comfort knowing that no matter what happens in the world, at least you’ve got them.

I guess the sound of traffic, the sight of cars going back and fourth, even the occasional horn and siren – they are like that old pair of blue jeans.

Maybe I’ll go hang out over an overpass.

Wat You Talkin Bout Sucka

In case you missed it in previous blogs, I’m a child of 80s. I grew up during big 80’s hair, parachute pants, break dancing, the moonwalk, and the cold war.

I miss that era – back in those days, people may have seemed out of place, but at least they were really themselves. These days, people who seem out of place often seem so because they are pretending to be someone who they are not.

I saw a guy walking down the street today, with a big Mohawk on his head. He seemed really out of place – not just because this style went out in the 1980’s, but also because he didn’t seem to be the kind of guy to sport such a fashion statement.

Mr. T is the prime example of someone who fits the Mohawk look – he probably began the style and made it popular on his hit television show “The A-Team.”

Mr. T looks like your typical tough guy – big, hulking, muscular, and mean. He even talks the slang of the street. He was a pro wrestler, a United States Marine, a body guard to the rich and famous – he’s had a resume which fits someone with a Mohawk.

This guy I saw today with the same hairstyle as Mr. T was in a suit and tie, running shoes, and knapsack. Hardly the tough guy look you’d expect from someone with such a wild hair style. All he needed was the pocket protector and one of those calculator watches and he’d be a definite nerd-wanna-be.

Though he was trying to act all tough – even walked with one of those tough-guy types of rhythm, but he didn’t have the gold teeth and the big fake gold jewelry so I wasn’t buying his act.

And what is up with that gold teeth thing? Whoever said it was cool to rip out your front teeth and replace them with brilliant light-bright-like neon gold ones?

Anytime I see someone with gold teeth, gold chains, pure white running shoes and pants several sizes too big that have to keep being pulled up, I automatically think – this guy is either a pimp, or a wanna-be-pimp.

Why anyone wants to be a pimp is beyond me. I don’t think there is much job security in the pimp industry, and the money can’t be all that good – they never can afford pants that fit.

Back in the 80’s, we didn’t have anyone with gold teeth. We had our fair share of wild looks, but nothing so backwards in styling.

Michael Jackson wore one white glove with jewels on it, but he was – and still is – an amazing music prodigy. Often the true artists are the really crazy ones, and that’s probably the case with him.
Boy George wore make-up, bright neon colored clothes, and had long hair. Well at least you know your gaydar is working if it goes off on him.

Madonna wore smutty outfits – well go figure, she was and possibly is still very sexually – shall we say “free?”

Wrestler Hulk Hogan wore tights, knee-high boots, and a tank top – but he was a wrestler. The style fit his image and persona.

The point is, back in the 80’s, there were wild and crazy looks, but they all matched those wearing them. These days, you have nothing but what we called in the 80’s as “posers.” Those are people pretending to be something they haven’t a clue how to be.

Sometimes when I see these characters on the street with the outfits that just don’t match, I think back to the 80’s and wish for a time long ago. A time when people were who they really were. No posers – just me.

Way Cool Shades

I have clip-on sunglasses. Or rather, I had clip-on sunglasses. I had a few pairs, but I always seem to lose them, or break them, or something or other which renders them useless.

So, for the past year, I’ve been squinting while my retinas have been burned to a crisp in the summer’s sun.

Today, I got some new sunglasses. No more clip-on lenses, these are real cool Jack Nicholson-type wrap-around sunny spectacles.

They are UVA and UVB filtered lenses, so they protect my eyes from the blinding sun spots I see. What? You don’t see them too?

Oh-oh!

I got them on my way to the gym after work today. I managed to wear them for the remaining 15-minute trek to the gym. And wouldn’t you know it, when I left the gym it was dark.

Damn! I wanted to show off my new sun glasses to the world.

And tomorrow’s forecast calls for rain. Sucks – I won’t be wearing them again tomorrow either.

But at least I won’t go prematurely blind because of the sun’s evil tanning of my eyes. And I don’t have to squint to see that pole right in front of . . . HEY LOOK OUT!

Guess he wasn’t wearing sun glasses!

Ouchies.

Home Renovations Really Really REALLY SUCK

Some people are really handy, some people aren’t.

I’m of the later – I’ve always sucked at home renovation projects. I’m a great cook – or so I’ve been told – I know my way around technology like the back of my hand, and I’ve got a great sense of humor.

But when it comes to doing anything construction related I suck big time.

When I got two massive air conditioning units, I had to pay to have someone install them into my windows. To put together my box bed, I had to get my dad to help put the thing together. And to get my brand new drapes up, something which most people seem to do with ease – I still haven’t got them up.

Well, that may change soon, as I sit here typing this blog, I’m waiting for the building super to help out – he said he’ll be up tonight.

Still, I wish I was handy. It would be nice to be able to go out, buy something for my place and badda-boom-badda-bang I put them up lickety-split. I’d have more cool stuff if I knew installing it wouldn’t be a pain in the ass. I’d put up more art and paintings, hang some wind chimes, maybe even put up a ceiling fan.

All of these things come with instructions, but it doesn’t matter. I suck at home renovations.

Hammers and nails fear me more than I fear them – I’m that bad with tools.

From now on, I think whenever I purchase anything that requires assembly, I’ll plan ahead and figure out who I can pay to put it together. Or maybe I’ll just stop buying things which require assembly or installation. If I can’t use it right out of the box, it won’t be bought.

Unless I decided to go all out and sign up for part-time classes on home renovations. That might be the answer. I enjoy learning and might even be able to become useful around the house.

Hmmm . . . that may just be the answer – then I could get my own home renovation show on television and prove to the world once and for all that even the least competent handyperson can become a whiz with a power saw.

Power saw?

Gulp.

Those things can be dangerous. It’s all fun and games until you lose a body part.

Maybe I’ll just stick to cooking.

Meatloaf anyone?

The Boys of Summer Are Back

I was watching a Toronto Blue Jays game on television with my dad tonight. It brought back memories from long ago. I used to be a big Blue Jays fan – I’d watch every game, keep up on all the vital stats, even the player gossip.

Back in those days, the outfield consisted of Jesse Barfield, Lloyd Mosby and George Bell.

George Bell had the one of the worst tempers in the game, but he was a player’s player. He was an amazing left-fielder, able to catch almost anything coming his way, and he could hit just about anything coming his way at the plate.

On the in-field, I remember John Olerude at first, Tony Fernandez at shortstop, Roberto Alomar at Second and Kelly Gruber at third-base.

Remember during a world-series game, when Kelly Gruber slid into home-plate, landed on his chin, and knocked himself out? I do – I was that much of a fan.

Then there was Dave Stieb and Tom “the terminator” Henke. Dave Stieb was an amazing starting pitcher – when he wasn’t pitching no-hitters, he’d always go all the way and throw an entire game. Tom Henke was the ultimate stopper – he closed out most of the games, to ensure the winning game didn’t become a losing game in the final innings.

Those were the days when Ernie Witt was the catcher, and Jimmy Williams was the manager.

Watching the game tonight with my dad, I saw old Ernie Witt – he’s now a coach!

It is good to see Ernie Witt is still active with the organization, but kind of sad too. There hasn’t been a winning team like those in the late 80s and early 90s since.

Toronto sucks as a major sporting city. Our hockey team – The Toronto Maple Leafs – haven’t won the Stanley Cup in my life-time, and they probably never will.

I have a theory, that if the Leafs were to win the Stanley Cup, the earth would suddenly stop spinning. It just can’t happen.

Well, it could, if the Leafs ever spent the money on good enough players, instead of the crap they have been for the past oh – 40-years (they haven’t won the Stanley Cup since 1967).

We have a great basketball team – The Toronto Raptors. But I never could get into that sport. I went to one of the home games, and with all the video displays, flashing lights and matching music, I felt I was in the middle of a video game, not a basketball game.

What we need is another World Series in Toronto. We need to bring back the old players and get them up to top shape to win it for us.

Maybe this year the Jays will be able to go all the way – but then again, people say that every year about the Leafs. And the Leaf’s haven’t won the ultimate Canadian hockey trophy since the 60’s!

I originally lost interest in the Blue Jays during a bitter baseball strike in the 90s. The players walked and management refused to negotiate, so for several months – if not most of the regular season – there was no baseball.

At first I sided with the players – they were my heroes, always bringing in the runs when you need them most. But as the strike went on, I realized that these guys were making more money in a day than I’d ever see in my lifetime, and they were earning that money playing a game.

If I could earn millions of dollars playing a game – WOW – I wouldn’t go on strike demanding more money. Hell, I’d play harder, and enjoy myself.

Since then, I haven’t been much of a follower of the game or the team. But after watching a bit on television tonight, I actually started to find myself getting back into it.

But then, I got back to thinking how these guys are younger than me, earn more than I’ll ever see in my lifetime, and probably don’t care about the game – they just want more money to play a kids game.

Wish I got paid to play a kids game.

Who’s going to pay me to play in their sandbox?

The Joy of Renovating

Watching those home renovation shows on television is fun, and always makes sense. The skilled hosts make everything look so very easy.

Just measure, cut and screw to the wall – done!

Not so easy in real life.

This past weekend, I tried installing new drapes with my dad. I already had an I-Beam metal drape rod across my living room, but the drapes I bought are insulated. So these drapes are thick and heavy. Means we have to add extra supports to the rod, to keep it from coming out of the ceiling.

We got all the right parts, and my dad started drilling holes in the ceiling. He got the parts into the ceiling, but they wouldn’t stick – they kept falling out of the holes he had drilled.

We did everything right – supposedly. We drilled pilot holes, installed plastic plugs, and even tried using concrete screws – nothing worked.

My dad drilled three different holes, none of ‘em worked. Just ended up with a pile of ceiling materials on my floor, drapes hanging off my couch, and the burning sun shining on in.

It wasn’t an easy, fun and quick experience like they show on television.

Granted, me and my dad aren’t Jon Eakes, and this isn’t This Old House. Still, when they show something on the Food Network, I can pretty much figure it out and replicate what I see. Cooking is easy and fun. My famous steak stir fry I stole off of the Food Network.

But when it comes to pillaging ideas off of HGTV on construction – even something so simple as putting up drapes – it all falls down.

It is really frustrating because we really did try hard – very hard, we were both exhausted from our ordeals. We were sweating and covered in junk from the ceiling and all the parts we were moving about.

Oh well – there is always another day. We’ll try again tomorrow. I got some advice from one of the supers in my building, and we’ll try again and see what happens. Who knows, maybe tomorrow I’ll have nice window coverings on my massive windows.

Or, I’ll just call a pro from one of those television shows – if they can do it on television, they can do it in real life. Right?

Spring Er Ah Summer Is Here

There is nothing more Canadian than talking about the weather. We all do it – and not just for small talk in crowded spots.

Dave Phillips is a name every Canadian from Coast-to-Coast-Coast knows all too well. He’s the guy from Environment Canada always talks about weather phenomena in the media.

Our weather is very wild and free – much like Canadian society is. In winter it is too cold, in summer it is too hot, and the rest of the time it is just too something or other else.

Today, the temperature soared for the first time in six-months to over twenty degrees – we went up to 21C!

It was awesome – just like a pleasant summer’s day, without the leaves on the trees and the green grass.

Wait a minute – whatever happened to spring?

It’s been cold, damp and chilly this “spring.” We’ve even had snow flurries and even snow that stayed on the ground – remember that snow day the first week of April?

Hasn’t been much of a spring – but hey – who are we to complain, summer is here.

I think?

Who knows how long this bout of sunny summer-like weather will last? But at least it is going to last all weekend – or so says the weather person on TV.

I’ve already taken out my deck chairs and placed them on my balcony – hope I didn’t “jinx” it by doing that. I’m hoping to sit on my balcony and soak up some sun, fresh air, and just relax, in our first weekend of warm summery weather.

Whatever you do – do it outside this weekend!

Sometimes I Just Shake My Head and Wonder in Bewildered Aw

The marketing team at work never ceases to amaze me. They seem to know how to work the system so that they continue to have cozy jobs, despite completely useless at those jobs.

Today, I was on the phone for twenty minutes, listening to excuse, after excuse from the marketing manager, about why she didn’t need to have anything to show for her countless work.

They have been supposedly working for several months on a marketing push, they even sent out an email not once but twice last night to everyone in the company telling them that these new marketing materials would be launched in May.

Great I was thinking to myself, as we need some of those new marketing materials for a training initiative on May 11.

But after my phone call, it turns out that only the mock-ups will be launched in May. Though clearly the emails don’t mention the word “mock-up” or “prototype” or any other indicator of preliminary stage of development.

The two emails that were sent, one was sent to correct an error in the first. And these emails were both sent to everyone at the company, including our over 700 sales representatives, the company executive team, and its board of dictators – whoops – I mean directors. Yeah, that’s what they prefer to be called.

When the monkeys are left to run the shop, all you get are bananas. Must be a lot of monkeys at the executive level, as the marketing team has been allowed to continue to slide into disarray for some time without any consequences. The marketing managers are still in their lofty windowed offices, and the vice-president of marketing and sales is still enjoying the benefits of both title and position.

Yet the marketing team doesn’t seem to be able to do much of anything in my short stint with this contract. Well, that’s not true – they are great at blowing budgets.

The marketing team blew their entire budget and then some in less time it takes a McWorker time to flip your Big Mac. They are actually over budget by $500, 000 – yeppers, that’s half-a-million dollars!

Maybe the marketing managers are blowing more than just budgets, because they don’t seem to care about the fact that they aren’t producing, while wasting away the company’s fiscal resources.

You’d figure if they went over budget by $500,000 big ones, they’d actually have something to show for it. Maybe a corporate video, a few handouts, hell, even a Post IT note with an IOU from their ad agency promising something big and fancy – something worth more than $500, 000.

Nope.

Nadda.

Nothing.

All I got from my conversation with the marketing manager was a lot of excuses, worried exchanges when I started questioning her timelines and deadlines, and then a lot of feeble attempts to get me to not mention this to anyone else in the company.

And she was so slick too. She’s a pro when it comes to crying the innocent whilst guilty game.

“Oh, I thought our meeting was tomorrow?”

No, you emailed your confirmation for today’s meeting this morning – don’t you read your own email?

“Oh, that’s not what I was told, we were told that our marketing pieces were just nice to have’s for the training,” Kristen the marketing moron – I mean manager – yeah, that’s what she likes to think she is – says.

As soon as I started mentioning how I’d have to confirm everything she was telling me with one of the executives, she started to come up with reasons why I shouldn’t bother.

“Don’t worry, we’ll talk to her.”

“You don’t want to get involved in this mess, we’ve been going back and forth on this for ages.”

I bet you have – you’re great at evading and deception marketing moron – whoops – I mean marketing manager – but low on actually producing.

I just shake my head and wonder how these bozos managed to stay on in their jobs for so long. Don’t the hire-ups care about their company enough to want it to succeed? Don’t they see the waste, the lack of commitment, the lack of – well – of marketing?

Don’t they?

Like I said, the marketing managers are probably blowing more than just budgets to keep their nice cozy and very cushy gigs.

To bad all the execs are men, I’d love to make money for nothing.

Running About the Office

As those who follow this blog often – all three of ‘em – LOL – know, I joined the company running club.

Today was the second week for the club and it feels so invigorating to be a participant. I love to work out – I usually hit the gym at least three times per week.

While at the gym, I always do a cardio program. Sometimes I go onto the treadmill, sometimes one of the many different types of elliptical (cross trainer) machines. I usually spend 45-min to an hour on these machines.

The running club is a different animal to tame. It is running out doors, rain, snow, sleet, hail or shine. We haven’t had much shine today, mostly clouds and some rain. We got lucky today though, it didn’t rain while we were out running.

Still, it has been a bit chilly, at 5C – normal highs for this time of year are 13C.

But it is still amazing to get out and run right after work. My job is so very stressful lately. Poor planning has led to far too many rushed projects. Rushed projects aren’t ever completed to 100 percent satisfaction. No one is perfect, so nothing one creates can ever be perfect. But when you rush through something instead of taking the time to do it right, you make more mistakes than had you done things the right way the first time around.

So, I get frustrated easily at the office, as we’re constantly under the gun, because of bad planning – or more likely no planning whatsoever.

By hitting the pavement with the running club, I’m able to be in a social environment with my co-workers, and for a change, not be under the gun rushing through something I’d rather not.

It is an excellent stress reliever. I feel so much better leaving the office after a run. That’s important, because on days when we don’t run, I often leave the office shaking my head, wondering why am I still doing this thing?

Work is good, it pays the bills and that is pretty important. I also work to learn and grow personally and professionally.

Rushing through my work doesn’t aid in my professional development. I already know from far too many years of experience in the field, that rushing is due to lack of planning. And when you don’t plan, you plan to fail.

So it looks like my professional development and growth is going to come from the running club. It won’t teach me any new computer skills, and I won’t get a bonus out of it. But at least I won’t go postal. At least I don’t think I will . . . where’s my . . .

Who knows, maybe I’ll actually be able to get through this contract thanks to the stress relief of the running club. If it wasn’t for the running club – and this is only our second week – I’d probably have done up a resume and started handing it out in a seemingly never ending struggle to find a decent place to work.

Well, maybe not just the running club. The people at work are very nice, and I think they generally mean well. Just they don’t plan to well, and in my books, that’s bound to hurt them more than me in the end.

Something Old Is New Again

My black leather jacket has been lying around my home for the past three or four-years. Ever since the zipper broke and I got a salt stain in the right-arm sleeve, I have just been too lazy to either replace it, or get it fixed up.

Well, my trusty old brown leather bomber jacket was starting to show the signs of wear and tear – complete with holes in the arms, right through to the skin. So, I decided to go out and get my black leather jacket fixed up.

Both jackets are old. My brown sheep-skin leather bomber jacket I had way back since high school – probably over 15-20-years ago! My black leather jacket is newer, but still not new, I got that probably seven or eight-years ago.

I tool my black leather jacket into the cleaners last week and got it back today. WOW! It looks like a new jacket.

The zipper works perfectly, and because I had it dry cleaned, it is all shiny and new looking. I swear it even smells like new, fine Italian leather!

I was amazed when I picked it up – it is awesomely new like.

Originally my black leather jacket set me back over $300. To get it looking like new only cost me about $100 and some change. Well worth the investment of money and time – it took ‘em 10-days to get it back to me.

I feel so “cool” in my black leather jacket, black toque, black leather boots, and black leather gloves! All I need is a Harley and I’m cruisin’.

This got me thinking, wondering what else I have stored away in my closet which can become useful and new again, with a little time and money?

It is far cheaper to get things cleaned and repaired, than to buy them new in the stores. If they were unable to clean my jacket, or fix the zipper, I’d probably buy a new one. My old brown bomber jacket is sadly being retired this year.

The holes in the arms are too deep and big to repair. And it is worn so badly, it could easily be worn by someone who was homeless.

That brown sheep-skin bomber jacket has served me well. I went to high school in it, university and even college. It served me in the army while in my “civvies” in the winter and it has even been worn to family and friend’s places many times over. That jacket has seen everything I have for the past 15-20-years.

But out with the old, in with the almost new.

Where’s that black leather jacket? I feel like going for a walk to show it off!

My Secret Foot Masseuse

I’m about to share with you the greatest secret to taking care of your feet – I call it my personal foot masseuse.

When I was in the Army, they always made a point of telling us to take care of your feet.

“Always take care of your feet,” they would tell us on long marches and hikes through the brush. “If you lose your feet, you’re a goner.”
When you are a foot soldier, your feet are your black Cadillacs – that’s what we call ‘em – black Cadillacs. They are so called these, because we all wear black combat boots.

And it is true, if you lose your feet out in the field, you might as well have been shot in the head. If you can’t out think your enemy, at least you can out run your enemy – unless you have foot rot. Then you are in deep trouble.

So, what is my secret to taking care of my feet?

It is pretty simple – just put the plug in the tub while showering and let the water build up around your feet and ankles. The warm soapy water cleans the feet, and the heat from the water soothes even the toughest of toes.

I learned this in the Army, but ironically, not while I was on duty. When I was off-duty on leave for Xmas vacation, I was staying in a hotel near my family. The bath tub in my hotel room at first didn’t drain properly – all the water would build up as if it were plugged up. They later came and fixed it, but I wanted a shower right away – traveling for several hours by train makes you want to just dive into any pool of water to get refreshed.

So, as I showered, the water pooled by my feet, eventually overcoming them and giving them a deep foot massage and bath – all in one! When I came out of the shower, my feet were probably the most relaxed part of me.

Since then, whenever I’m really tense, or have sore feet from being on them all day, I just plug the tub while showering. Works every time.

They teach you plenty in the Army, but sometimes the best things come out of pure chance discoveries. Like my personal foot masseuse.

My First Webcam

Moving into the technology era, I finally got a webcam today. Now I can show my ass to my online MSN buddies with the best of ‘em.

Well, I don’t know if I’ll be doing just that – maybe – depends on my mood ROTFL.

Technology has moved us forward in many ways, even our language has changed. We understand what ROTFL (Rolling On The Floor Laughing) means, just as we do what WEG (Wicked Evil Grin) or :) means.

Blogs allow us to share our inner most thoughts to the world, chat rooms allow us to virtually meet new people, and webcams allow us to share our smiles and tears with our instant message friends.

I like my new webcam – the Logitech Quickcam Deluxe. It even has something called “Intelligent Face Tracking” which I’m guessing means no matter how much I roll around in my chair, my face will always remain in the video frame.

Cool!
I wonder how that would work if I pointed the webcam out the window and shot down at the city below – what would it track?

People? Cars? Clouds?

Maybe I’ll be able to catch solar eclipses, meteor showers, and shooting stars? It would be cool to use this new gadget for security too – focus it at my home and watch a live feed from anywhere there is an internet connection.

WOW!

Technology is tres cool.

The only thing I didn’t like was the setup of this new webcam. I had to run the software twice to get it to work properly and it still needed a push from me. I had to grab the drivers off the internet, despite having a disc from Logitech that came with the camera.

Still, it is a pretty cool camera – video is clear at 640 by 480 pixels, and it can do still images at 1.3MB pixels – so it is one of the higher end cameras. Even has a built in microphone, which I am still trying to figure out.

Windows doesn’t recognize the microphone in the camera – just the camera.

But that could just be Bill Gates ROTFL at me for not buying one of his company’s Microsoft MSN Live Webcams.
I was shopping around and saw the Logitech, the MSN, even the BENQ webcams. All looked fairly impressive, but with Microsoft’s MSN webcam offering the same features as this Logitech one, but at almost double the price, I decided to go with the Logitech camera.

Microsoft is way too powerful anyway – they run 89 percent of all the computers on Earth. That’s a pretty scary factoid when you consider everything is computerized these days.

My first computer mouse was a Logitech three-button mouse. I remember it well, on the IBM PCjr. Remember those wonderful computers? Back in the day, they ran at a whopping 4.77 MHz – these days computers run 400 times as fast!

Still, in those early days of the computer era, we didn’t have webcams, chat rooms, blogs, or chat room lingo. We did this the old fashioned way – if you wanted a picture of the person you sent a message to on the computer, you’d take a picture with your 35mm camera, get it developed and letter mail it to them!

Technology has come a long way – indeed.

My Friday, Friday, Saturday Theory

Today (Thursday) is Friday. Friday is Friday. Then comes Saturday and Sunday.

Pretty simple theory uh?

See, tomorrow (Friday) I have off – so today (Thursday) is my Friday. Then the rest of the days just logically flow, to make it back to work on Monday.

Clear as mud?

I began this theory over the Easter Weekend – Good Friday was a holiday. So, the Thursday before the Friday was my Friday. Good Friday was – well, on Friday – duh. And Saturday and Sunday were their respective days, leading up to Monday.

I tell this theory to many people – yet they don’t quite get it.

I don’t know why, I think it is pretty simple.

There seems to be a special “feeling” which I just can’t place into words on Fridays. It is the end of the work week, everyone is rushing around trying to wrap up work so they can leave early and begin their weekend.

Remember that feeling you’d get as a kid, on the last day of school before summer vacation? That’s the same feeling ya get as an adult at the office on Friday. There, I managed to put it into words – I must be a writer worthy of my quill . . .

So, when you have Friday off, you “feel” this way on Thursday because it is your Friday.

Now that you understand that “feeling” you should be able to grasp:

Today (Thursday) is Friday. Friday is Friday. Saturday and Sunday follow leading up to Monday.

Easy!

Snow Rise

Living way high atop the city in a high-rise apartment has its advantages.

I can see the whole world from my home – from the lake in the south to high-rise office towers in the north, I have the best view in the city.

I am so high up, that I can – and do – go out on my balcony sans clothes – no one can see up here. I’m too high for even the cleverest of peeping toms. I think – gulp!

I also see weather. It is really amazing to watch as a storm front comes rolling on in. I usually see the storms about 15-30 minutes before they get here – which is probably more accurate than the local weather station!

I’ve noticed something too – snow falls UP.

Really – it does.

As I sit and type this, the snow is flying up – not down.

Or at least it looks to be flying up – it really is falling down, but at this height I’m actually inside the snow cloud. So, I’m seeing the snow rotate within the cloud prior to its decent to earth below.

All snow is, are tiny water droplets that combine together when frozen into flakes – hence the term “snowflake.”

These snowflakes are created when the water droplets rotate within the wind pattern of the cloud. As they get tossed about through the colder air, they freeze and other water droplets “stick” to them. As they continue to stick, they form the various snowflake patterns – that’s why they are so random. The more frozen water droplets, the heavier the snowflake becomes, until it gets too heavy to be carried by the cloud’s wind. That’s when the snowflake falls down, through the cloud and eventually to earth.

The life of a snowflake – pretty cool uh?

And I get to see snowflakes being made, from the comfort of my own home. I love living up high in the clouds!

Waste Not Want Not

My apartment building recently implemented a new recycling program. Actually, they have always had recycling here, just the bins were not labeled so I never knew where to put my cardboard, glass, tin cans and other items.

Not any more – the new system takes it all in one big bin!

I was amazed and somewhat confused when I got the memo from property management. It says they have three big new bins to toss our recyclables, and these three bins take all materials.

Growing up, I was the first generation to have recycling. I remember when the garbage truck would come, and just pick up anything tossed on the curbside. Then in the 1980’s, thanks in part to the environmental movement, they introduced the Blue Box program.

I remember getting home from school to sort everything before taking it out to the curb on Fridays. I had to separate white and colored paper, tin cans, colored and clear glass, and plastic bottles and jugs. The worst was having to bundle newspapers – that took forever, and then tying them together with twine.

I was on the environmental action committee in high school, and after school we all got together and took out the giant blue boxes for recycling. Back then, the schools only recycled pop cans and tetra packs (drink boxes). So, we’d take out these big containers on wheels, and wheel them to the curb once a week for pickup. We did that – us the students and the teachers – not the janitors. These days, that’s part of the regular routine of janitors and other maintenance staff – but back in the day when recycling was new, no one else was doing it.

Sorting was and always has been a big part of recycling. Until now – the new recycling program here at my apartment building requires no sorting of anything. Really.

I went down there today and there were three big blue bins. Each one had the same sign on it – they all took exactly the same stuff! All of the cardboard, paper, glass and plastic all goes into one of the three big bins! No sorting required.

Apparently, the sorting takes place at the processing plant where all this stuff goes. That is really cool and says we’ve come a long way since those early days of recycling.

Recycling is a good thing – for the planet and for us. By recycling old materials into new ones, we reuse these materials instead of simply throwing them out.

I’ve always tried to recycle at my building as much as I could, but it has been hard. The blue boxes were not labeled, so everything was in all of them, so I always just placed my recyclables next to the boxes, hoping they found their way.

The property management has told us specifically, in writing not to do this. And we shouldn’t have to – the new blue boxes are clearly labeled and they take everything.

Still, someone moron did just that! When I was down at the bins there were newspapers bound and tied left next to the bins. It wouldn’t have taken much effort for these morons to have untied these newspapers, and fed them into the more than accommodating bins.

I guess some people never learn – or more likely – they just don’t care.

I hope they have a security camera on these bins, so they can catch the culprits and give them a good lashing with a sharp pointy stick.

I’ve also started to replace all my light bulbs with those high efficiency low voltage energy efficient bulbs.

As a light bulb burns out, I replace it with one of the new low voltage ones.

You know what, they are brighter than the old incandescent bulbs and may actually last longer. So, I save energy and money, as I don’t have to replace them as often, all while enjoying a brighter home.

I’m liking this new environmental technology stuff. Advances in technology make it easy to be environmentally-friendly, and that is really amazing.

Though I still look back and remember fondly my days on the environmental action committee way back in high school. We did a lot of hard work, often it was dirty work too. We not only took out the blue boxes, we had to clean them up after pickup. The cunk that builds up from about 2,500 pop cans (some still with pop in them) is quite disgusting. We lovingly called it neutral-sweet-sludge.

But, we also had a lot of fun back in those days. We’d create displays and have banners and hold car washes and other fun things to promote environmentalism.

Ah, car washes – those were fun. Especially when you squirt one of the girls with the hose and her top goes see-through . . .

But that’s another story.

How to Win a Lottery

Everyone has some gimmick or gadget to come up with those magical numbers winning big prizes.

Some people play birthdays, anniversaries, and other such personal numbers. Others spend thousands on books and seminars claiming to have discovered the secret formula to calculate those winning numbers.

My way of winning? Just don’t enter.

Seriously – don’t enter to win. I did just that this past Thursday at work.

The social committee was raffling off Easter Egg gift baskets. Each basket had chocolates, other candies, toys and other cute items. To win, all you had to do was get a raffle ticket from someone on the social committee.

While the social committee was handing out these tickets, I was in a meeting. Go figure! I’m always working while others are at play.

During my meeting, someone drops one of these baskets on the desk in front of me and says “smile for the camera.”

I’m thinking it was for the other person in the meeting – but it turned out I had won the basket.

How?

By NOT playing!

Someone had placed a raffle ticket on my desk while I was in my meeting. They had announced the winning raffle ticket numbers, and one of the baskets remained unclaimed. So, someone thought about checking out the ticket on my desk – and well – by not playing I won.

So, for all those spending ten, twenty, even a hundred dollars per week on lottery tickets, here’s my advice – don’t! You stand a better chance of winning by not playing.

I did.

And hey, I didn’t charge you a small fortune to learn my lottery winning secrets!

Don’t ya feel better now?

Budgeting Blues and the Dinkuses Behind ‘Em

Those who follow this blog regularly know I’m pretty happy with my current gig. They have shown an outstandingly amount of good will, caring, compassion and wisdom with us low employees.

They have thrown expensive dances at exclusive executive clubs, have fun days organized by the social committee, even toss in exceptional leaders to run the joint – or so I thought.

My manager is exceptional and my team second to none. We have an amazingly strong work ethic, we get along like family, and we are all knowledgeable in our areas of specialization. We are an amazing team – probably one of the better teams I’ve been a part of in all my working life.

BUT – unfortunately, just as you sink into something good, reality has an awful way of rearing it’s ugly head. Not all the teams are quite as well led or staffed.

We just got word today that the marketing team has over spent their budget – again. Last year, the marketing team over-spent their budget by $500, 000 – that’s half-a-million big ones!

This year, the marketing team has apparently blown their entire budget for the year, in under four-months! They have spent an entire year’s worth of funds in the first quarter of operations!

Now, you’d think a well managed company would take some sort of action to prevent this pattern of fiscal mismanagement to stop it dead. Nope, no action against the offender was taken – she even got a bonus last year for a job “well done!”

The exact same manager who blew the half-million last year is the exact same manager who blew her entire budget – and then some (she actually over-spent this year) in under four-months!

I’ve worked at some pretty big name companies and if a manager or anyone with monetary responsibilities for that matter – blew it all so quickly, there would be no questions asked – that person would be let go immediately. They probably would even be sued for misappropriation of funds, harm, and a bunch of other things which company’s have the ability to sue their former employees for when they jeopardize the operations of the regular course of business, the credibility of the management team and the financial credit records of the corporation as a whole.

None of that has happened here. And it doesn’t look like it will happen either. The manager is still in charge of her team, and worse – still spending money she doesn’t have.

In fact, the really bad news in all of this is my team’s budget has been slashed by one-third to pay for marketing’s misuse of funds. We had a budget approved for specific things – all of which are important to the proper continuous operations of the business. We were doing our jobs, within our budgets and then all of a sudden, because marketing got away with breaking their budget last year, they did it all over again this year – taking away our operational funding which we were well within.

Life isn’t fair – but when you let the monkeys run the shop, you end up with bunches of bananas instead of useful, profitable, business operations.

My question – why is our vice-president or worse, why is the president allowing this monkey to run the marketing shop?

Do they really want to turn a company which has been in business since the 1960’s into a banana republic? Do they care so little about the daily operations, they are willing to let major wrong doings go unpunished?

I know they probably have bigger things to worry about – like next year when marketing spends so much, they don’t have the funds to cover it.

Oh wait, that hasn’t happened – yet.

But it will, if the monkeys continue to run the shop.

The Best Part of Easter

The best part of Easter is Good Friday – not only is it a day off work, but after today, I don’t have to ever hear – “oh, I can’t – it’s lent.”

We all make sacrifices in life. Just like that Rolling Stones song, you can’t always get what you want.

However, some people sacrifice things for the good of their faith. Some won’t eat meat on Friday’s leading up to Easter, some won’t drink pop, and some won’t even have sex. Give up sex?!?! Come here. . .

WHALLUP up-side-the head!

What the hell were you thinking?!?!?

I don’t give anything up – for one thing I’m not Catholic – but if I did, I wouldn’t give up something I enjoy.

I know, the whole point is to give up something you enjoy to show your faith.

Well, I guess I just don’t have very much faith in faith.

I always believe in the power of me. When I do something right or wrong, it was because of my doing that something – not some unknown element in the universe from some supernatural omnipresent being.

Still, I have to congratulate those that can maintain their sacrifice – it can’t be easy in a world where everything is so easily available.

Imagine giving up sex, only to accidentally flip past a porno on TV? That would test even the most hardcore faith seekers. Or even more common, giving up chocolate for the month, and passing by all those chocolate Easter Eggs at the corner store every time you buy milk.

Maybe that’s a sign of faith in of itself – chocolate Easter Eggs! I always wondered why you could only get these yummy candies at Easter. Now I know – it is to tempt faith! Those that give up chocolate are constantly tested by having to pass these jewels up!

I get it – I really do!

Not!

But see my point?

So you gave up chocolate, sex, meat, pop – whatever – for a whole month. Good for you – but what have you learned?

You will probably be enjoying your banned substance soon enough, thinking “wow – I did it!”

The real test would be giving up your banned item for a year – now that is a true test of faith. Imagine giving up sex, chocolate, meat, pop – whatever – for an entire year!?!?!

A whole year of not having sex?

I bet road rage incidents would climb through the roof, people would be less friendly in general, and we’d have a population decline.

Is that really a good thing – just to prove your faith?

Running with the Work Bunch

One week to go and then I’ll be running with the work bunch!

I signed up for the running club at the office. The running club is a small group of about 20 people, composed of fitness nuts like me, and others just trying to lose weight by doing some exercise after work.

We go on our very first run of the season a week today!

I’ve been on social committees at work, but never a running club. Usually I get my exercise at the gym. I’ll still hit the gym on a regular basis, but now I’ll have some extra cardio in my routine – thanks to work.

The running club allows for more than some fresh air and exercise. It is also a great way to get to know some of your colleagues outside the normal nine-to-five office environment.

Who knows, maybe my next raise will come because I had to give mouth-to-mouth to the company president!

Naw – that probably won’t happen.

But it is a great way to get to know fellow workers in a non-threatening, fun atmosphere.

I just hope I can keep up – I haven’t run outside in ages. I hit the treadmill and eclipse machines at the gym on a regular basis, but running outside is different.

Cardio machines at the gym help propel you alone, at a steady, even pace. There is no steady even pace outside, with pot holes, cars, bikes, pedestrians and other obstacles to avoid, you are constantly forced to change pace and cadence to keep up.

Also, the running club is set to run rain or shine – it’ll be interesting to see who shows up when it rains. I’ll be there – I’ve run in the rain, in the snow, in ice storms – I’ve had my fill of running in bad weather. After a while, you don’t mind it so much as see it as more of a safety concern to watch for – running on ice is not recommended.

One week today I’ll be running with the office’s running club!

I can hardly wait.

Scrubbing Bubbles

A few months ago I saw an add for something that actually looked like a really cool new product – the Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner.

This new product essentially sprays cleaner around your entire shower and bath after each shower, soaking the entire area until your next shower. When you shower next, you rinse the dirt and grime away, and then the cleaner will spray again after you shower, to create a never-ending cycle of automatic cleanings.

Pretty cool idea to anyone who has ever had the joys of cleaning their own shower and bath by hand. It is a laborious task, involving lots of back breaking scrubbing, bending and the potential of slipping and falling.

So, when I saw this nifty idea advertised on TV, I just had to get one.

Problem was –it wasn’t anywhere to be found! I checked out grocery stores, drugstores, hardware stores, even dollar stores – nope, nadda nothing.

What good is a new product if you can’t even find it?

That was a few months ago – hell it was probably before Xmas.

Today – SUCCESS – I found this cool product. I ran into the local grocery store where I usually shop to grab some tin foil – and there she be!

I was amazed and awe struck – literally. I had just been in this very same grocery store a couple of days ago to do a major grocery shop and it wasn’t there. They must have just got them in today – my lucky day.

And they were cheaper than I expected. The add on TV said they retail for about $40, the price on the sticker said $24.95 – so I picked one up and brought it home.

It was really well packed, good and tight. But it was also easy to open – a note to any product manufacturers out there to follow. So often when I buy something it is so tightly packed, I risk damaging the product with scissors, knives or whatever else I need to pry off the wrapping. But this product was logically packed and easy to open. And yes – the batteries were even included!

It is simple to use, it just hangs on the shower head pipe, with a bottle of cleaner in it, run by a battery operated sprayer.

It says to run it on a wet shower, so I ran my shower for the five or so minutes it took me to read the instructions and assemble the unit.

Then I ran the Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner. It ran and now my shower smells all fresh and clean!

It says it takes several uses to get it sparkling clean – so I’ll have to get back to you on how well it works.

But so far, I’m pretty happy with it – now that I have found it.

I had given up looking for the thing, as it wasn’t in any of what one would assume would be logical places for it to be.

Not even Canadian Tire – I checked there too. Good ‘ol Canadian Tire should have any cool new products for cleaning a bachelor’s home – it is the perfect “mans” store.

It is – where else can you buy tires, power tools and Twinkies?

But that’s another blog for another day.

Passing Fake Gas

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past year, you know about the constantly rising prices of gas.

Gas has been hovering around the Loonie/litre now for some time. People are complaining that they are being ripped off.

And they are right.

The big oil tycoons aren’t losing their shirts over their over-inflated gas prices. They are just getting better at coming up with reasons why the price is always up.

Yes, they had a fire at one of their refineries – but I bet that was just a brief bump on the pump prices if any.

Manufacturing gas shortages which really don’t exist is probably the work of the evil minds that run the gas companies. They figured people were getting peeved at the cost of gas, and so they needed a better way to justify their gouging practices.

So, we have a gas shortage.

No we don’t.

We’re just not able to prove ‘em otherwise – yet – so the price of gas rises.

If there really were a gas shortage, the big oil tycoons would be investing heavily in alternative energy sources like solar, wind and hydrothermal power. See, big business usually wants to stay in business, so the solar winds (so to speak) were blowing in another direction away from their current product (gas and oil) than they would be looking at other ways to earn a living.

But, the big oil tycoons aren’t looking into these so-called “green” alternative energies, so that indicates they know they won’t be losing their businesses over some shortage. Hence – no shortage!

What we need are governments to step in, investigate and find out for themselves that there really isn’t an oil shortage. Then, they can prosecute these bastards for ruining our economy.

Oil and gas runs our Western world.

We may think it only affects us at the gas station – it actually affects us all.

Truckers must pay more for gas, so they in turn charge more to deliver products. So, everything we buy goes up – groceries, fruits and vegetables, meats, dairy products, clothing, pots and pans – everything.

Oil and gas prices also affect many other things. It may cost more to produce products for companies which use gas-powered tools. Naturally they pass this cost onto us – the cost of these products goes up. So then we get a double whammy – it costs more to produce the product and it costs more to deliver that product to the stores for us to buy – and we the faithfully loyal dump-ass consumers pay for it all.

Oil and gas barrens are like the big banks – greedy, evil and rotten down to the core. It is one thing to look after your business interests and ensure profit. It is quite another to gouge those depending on your products and services with artificially created price hikes just to park another BMW in your executive parking spot.

I don’t know about you – but I think from now on I’ll walk.

The Silence of Body Language

Ever watch TV with the sound off?

Sometimes you can make out what is going on, sometimes you can’t. Sometimes you see the most twisted things on TV sans sound.

Today I was watching TV with the sound off – I was at the gym, on a treadmill watching the many TVs hanging overhead. They have them tuned into radio frequencies, so if you don’t have a radio on you, you don’t hear anything on them.

A commercial came up on one of them for Oliver Jewelry. Russell Oliver is a well-known media personality – known for his flamboyant and over the top-type of hype on his commercials.

“I buy your jewelry for cash!” is his famous catch-phrase.

When he talks, he uses his hands, his arms, he’s often walking into the shot.

Without sound, as I watched, I was thinking to myself “if I saw this guy coming at me like this I’d run.”

He looked like an angry crazy lunatic, waving his arms madly in the air, and ready to come at anyone with all his might.

Then I saw Tony Little on another channel. He’s the nutty over-energized fitness “guru” that has all these workout machines for sale.

Tony Little also looked like a madman, as he waved his arms, jumped around.

Funny how people look on TV without sound.

I bet neither Tony Little nor Russell Oliver are certifiably insane madmen ready to tromp all over any poor soul caught in their path.

But on TV, without any sound, they look like they would.

This got me thinking how I may look to others because I often talk with my hands and arms. I’m not usually on TV, but from a distance talking with friends in a public place, I probably would look just as nutty and scary as those on the boob tube look.

But I like talking with my hands and arms. Aside from it just being who I am, it also adds emphasis where I want, and helps me keep the attention of those I happen to be with on me, not someone or something else.

Maybe they should have a special area in restaurants for us highly energetic people? It could even be closed off and clearly marked, so those entering need not worry about the nuts inside – they just talk big, nothing else.

It would certainly put to use those separate, ventilated smoking sections bars and restaurants have – seeing as now smoking is banned in all these places regardless of having a separate ventilated area for it.

But then again, why single us highly visual talkers out?

We’re no more a threat to anyone than a rain-drop.

One of my pet hobbies is people watching. I love watching body language and studying how people interact.

That’s probably part of why I am so animated when I am in a good conversation – I know exactly what body language I am giving off and I am using it to keep the conversation in my ball park.

Body language is one of those sneaky little things we all do – even when we don’t think or know that we are doing it.

It is just part of being human. Cultural anthropologists claim that long before we humans learned to vocalize our thoughts, we all communicated by our body language.

The “words” we used were gesture clusters – combinations of facial expressions, hand and arm movements, even the way we sit, stand or even just lie there.

Despite the development of many languages the world over, we still pick up and give off these visual cues – it’s in-grained in us innately. Body language is like breathing, you can no more stop breathing than you can stop speaking the language of body language.

Interesting though, how in certain situations – like watching TV with the sound off – our body language may say something completely different from intended.

So, next time you’re watching TV – turn the sound off and see what you “hear” from those on TV’s body language.

Out to Lunch

I did something I haven’t done in quite a while – I went out for lunch.

As bizarre as it sounds, most people at the office where I’m working at don’t go out for lunch. Instead, they all cram into a very busy lunch room, waiting for great periods of time to use one of the two microwaves.

But it is more than just avoiding the microwave line up – going out gets you out of the office environment, away from the emails, voice-mails, phone calls, away from others talking about work.

Going out for lunch provides a much needed – and well deserved – break in the middle of the day.

There aren’t any real restaurants near the office. There is a really awful mom and pop shop in the basement. I’m sure the guy running the restaurant in the basement means well, but his place probably wouldn’t pass even the simplest of health inspections.

There is dust on the counters, foods are sitting out under heat lamps which don’t work, and the most disgusting thing of all – the staff use their bare hands to serve you your food.

I had a sandwich there once, they didn’t put on any of those rubber surgical gloves or even bother to wash their hands. The same guy collecting the money at the cash register went over, cut my bagel in half, and proceeded to butter it – even though he had just been working the cash.

I had a meatloaf over there too – it was under heat lamps. But it wasn’t hot, it wasn’t even cold and it wasn’t very good.

SO, I’ll never eat down in the dungeon – I don’t want to become their latest food poisoning victim.

Maybe that’s why no one seems to go out for lunch – the only place to go to within walking distance is a dive?

Still, it didn’t take me that much effort to put on my coat, and go 15-minutes away to where all the restaurants are.

I had a smorgasbord of selection.

There are a couple of bar/restaurants, some burger joints, pizza places, a Greek restaurant, even one serving up Philipeano foods.

I went to one of the burger joints – Lick’s. I had a great big burger, piled high with onions, pickles, back bacon, BBQ sauce and some of their home made Guck sauce (like mayonnaise) YUMMY!

I took my time and enjoyed my lunch. Usually, when I eat at the office, I feel like I’m inhaling my food, as it is always a rush. But not today – eating out is better for you, even if you eat fast food.

There were no phone calls, emails, no one came in asking me about some project or other. It was paradise.

I think I’ll make a regular habit of going out for lunch.

And I’m not going to share my whereabouts with others in the office. This is my hideout – find your own!

The Joys of Cooking

Ah – there really is nothing quite like good ‘ol home cooking.

I love to cook my own meals. There is a pleasurable satisfaction in eating them and the whole process of tossing whatever I want, as I make the thing really gets my creative juices flowing.

It still surprises me that so many people – mostly women – are amazed that I cook.

They always tell me how their boyfriends or hubbies never lift a finger in the kitchen, unless it has a fork attached to it.

I always laugh at that – chances are these guys would figure out how to cook pretty quick if they didn’t have their “women” looking out for them. Starvation can prompt even the least likely of chefs to learn rather swiftly.

That is one of the reasons I learned to cook, though I learned while growing up and living with the folks. It was good training for when I did move out on my own – all those many years ago.

I especially enjoy going to the grocery store, and walking up and down the aisles, thinking to myself: “what am I going to make for dinner tonight?”

As I stroll through the aisles, I see things which spark my imagination.

Veggies – hmmm. . . maybe I’ll make a stir fry?

Chicken breasts – hmmm. . . maybe I’ll make that a chicken stir fry?

Prime Rib?!?! Whoa – maybe I’ll make a pot roast with roasted potatoes?

So much selection, so much I can enjoy cooking.

I have the best lunches at the office – left-overs from a pot roast, a stir fry, or even a simple sloppy joes are a great lunch on the go. Most people at the office have sandwiches, or worse – TV dinners!

No kidding, there are several people at the office I see in the lunch room all the time nuking their TV dinners. Those things never look good from the picture, and they look far worse once you open up the box.

I bet McDonald’s has more real stuff in their artificially concocted menu of McBurgers than what you’d find in a TV dinner.

TV dinners were invented in the 1960s, and they look like they haven’t changed since that long forgotten era.

Let’s see, tomorrow’s lunch will be left over steak stir fry – I made it special tonight with pineapple, water chestnuts, peppers, onions and of course, the best grade sirloin steak I could find.

Mmmmm – looking forward to it.

So, what’d you have for lunch?

Forgetful Moi

Last time I went to the gym, I forgot to bring towels.

I didn’t have my usual hand cloth I take to wipe away sweat as I workout, and I didn’t have my big bath towel to dry off after the shower.

So, I had to come home right after working out – no shower, sauna or hot tub for me. Though I did shower when I came home.

I think I’m getting forgetful in my older age.

I tend to forget things more now than in the past. Not really important things – just little things. I still remember birthdays and important things – like keys.

But I do seem to be slightly more forgetful about – uh – I forget!

They say reading and doing crosswords, jumbles and other puzzles keeps the mind active and helps prevent forgetfulness due to aging.

I don’t read much anymore – when you’re in a writing-intense field as I am, you tend to consider reading and writing work – so you don’t do it to relax. I never was a big fan of crossword puzzles – I never could get those shapes to fit! And jumbles, bumbles and all those other word play games – never got into them either.

So what else can I do to keep my mind active – to essentially workout my neurons?

Television is known as the mindless medium. You just sit there and watch it. And most of what’s on television – despite my 500-channel line-up – isn’t all that well thought out.

Who the hell thought of giving Kelly Osborn her own show anyways?!?!? She’s not attractive, has no talent, and isn’t interesting to watch.

I love writing blogs – maybe this blog is more than a form of release of thought, but also a way to exercise my mind.

Feel the burn!

Even when you do “exercise” your mind, how do you know you aren’t overdoing it, not doing it enough, or even if it is working?

Maybe I won’t forget things so much, maybe I will.

I forget.

But how do you know if your mind is really getting the workout it needs?

Am I supposed to get a headache or see a bulge somewhere on my head? Does my head increase in diameter?

Scientists know so very little about how the brain actually works, the mind is one of those things we may never really understand.

There is that old separation – mind over matter. There’s the physical brain, the wetworks which actually do all the computing of our lives, and then there is the mental stuff of the mind – our souls.

The brain is the physical lump that does all the work, while the mind is the mystical magical thing that actually makes you who you are.

How can you exercise a body part you can’t see or touch?

I can lift weights to exercise my muscles, run to exercise my heart, even chewing gum can exercise your mouth. But how do I exercise my soul?

Now there’s a question – maybe even THE question.

How do you exercise your soul?

By being a good person, and always trying to be good? Or maybe we have it all wrong, and the evil ones are really in the best soul-shape of all?

Guess that is what they call “soul food.”