Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Dogs and Kids – Top 15 Reasons Why Dogs are Better than Kids

  1. Toilet Training is Easier with a DogIf your dog pees on the floor, just tell him he’s a bad boy and put him outside until he learns that’s where he’s supposed to go potty. If I did that with a kid, the neighbors might call Children’s Aid.
  2. Dogs Come When You CallDogs for the most part will come when you call, without any negative feedback. My friends who have kids always have to call several times, and usually are greeted with nasty responses like “I’m busy!” “Not NOW!” or even the occasional swear word.
  3. Dogs Don’t Talk BackI have yet to see a dog tell his owner where to go – but I’ve seen kids tell their parents off.

  4. Discipline Can Be EnforcedKids can be disciplined, but only to a point. Thanks to the Internet and the media, kids will call the cops or children’s aid even if you just do what parent’s have been doing forever – sending their kids to bed for misbehaving. When a dog misbehaves, you tell him he is a bad boy, ignore it for a while and then all is good. If the dog was really bad, you can leave it outside for a while until. Children talk back, disobey curfews and do other things to get out of any punishments.

  5. If You Kid Comes Home Pregnant, You Can’t Sell Off the BabyBut you can sell off any puppies your dog has! With a kid, you have to get into the whole issue of abortion, or taking care of the unplanned kid for ever. A quick poster in a public laundry room is all it takes with a dog “FREE PUPPIES TO GOOD HOME!” Or you can sell off the puppies and earn a handsome profit! Try that with your daughter’s kid.

  6. You Don’t Have to Have “The Talk”When your kids are old enough to know about sex, drugs and pretty much life – you have to sit down and talk with them. Dogs don’t need to know the pain and anguish of the universe, they are happy just being dogs. And you’ll never have to worry about what to do if your dog comes home pregnant – see number five above.
  7. Dogs Don’t Require A Home Cooked Meal Every NightI love to cook, but I work hard for a living. Some nights, I just don’t feel like cooking. But that wouldn’t affect a dog, just put the dog food out as always and dinner is solved. Kids always demand this and that and whatever else – it always requires work.
  8. Dogs Don’t Need the Latest Fashion StatementsMy dog isn’t going to beg, plead, or harass me to buy him those $300 pair of Nikes that “everyone else at school” is wearing. And when I say “no” my dog won’t sulk and cry and make a fuss. Dogs are content with whatever their owners give them – even if it isn’t something everyone else is wearing.
  9. Dogs Don’t Do DrugsWhen was the last time you saw a dog puffing on a joint? Case closed.
  10. Dogs Won’t Crash the Car or Demand You Teach Them To DriveKids are a nuisance when they become old enough to do some things – like drive a car. They demand you take them out and teach them how to do it, then they demand you give them your car when not using it. Eventually they’ll want you to fork over the coin for a swanky expensive car for them. Dogs don’t drive – and often they look really cute sticking their head out the window with their tongue flapping in the wind.
  11. Dogs Never Borrow Money From YouCan I have $40 for lunch? Forty stinking dollars for lunch?!?! What are you eating fine Italian pastries?!?! Dogs never ask for outrageous sums of money for things that should cost a lot less – actually they never ask for any money ever.
  12. Your Dog Will Never Outgrow YouKids go through stages when they think their parents are uncool. Dogs never go through this phase, they always love and cherish every moment with their owners.
  13. Dogs Don’t Ask “How Much Farther Is It”On long road trips, dogs don’t complain, never ask how much farther is it, and don’t demand to stop for food or bathroom breaks – they just lie their and sleep until you get to where you are going. Kids nag and complain, they fight with each other, they even need DVD players and other distractions to keep them entertained for the journey.
  14. Dogs Don’t Tie Up Your PhoneA dog will never call another dog on the phone and talk all night long, never letting you use the thing. Also, dogs don’t rack up huge cell phone bills – which despite telling your kids the value of a dollar, they never seem to understand how much things really cost.
  15. True Unconditional LoveDogs will always love you – even if you don’t buy them the latest fashion trends, occasionally have to discipline them, and sometimes have to spend less time with them. Kids love varies until they are much older and appreciate the things you do provide.

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