Kill the IOC

Unless you’ve been under a rock for the past year, you probably know the Olympic games are currently being held in China.

China is known for lots of things – most of them not exactly gold medal performers.

Made in China products are usually cheap, dangerous and often produced by people so poor, they can’t feed their themselves, let alone their families.

The Chinese government has a long list of human rights violations, from as far back as the 1950’s – probably even longer, but they are so good at covering up their tracks, we can only trace these to that era.

And in keeping with the Olympic spirit, China has put thousands of poor workers out of work, as they have closed factories all over the city, in a vane attempt to clean the air. It’s been so smoggy over their, some athletes have pulled themselves out of their events, for fear of injury!

There are so many places, good, decent and clean places on this planet, why on earth did the International Olympic Committee (IOC) choose one of the worst?

The IOC has long been accused of playing politics with sport. There was that whole incident at the last games, where several members of the IOC stepped down in disgrace, after being caught taking bribes.

Looks like the IOC is still in the habit of taking some kick back or another, because the only thing this year’s games really have managed to do, is stir up controversy.

Which is really too bad, because the original point of having an international sporting event of the best of the best was just that – for the sport of it all, as a competition. The Olympics should be about athletic victories, and the stories of desire, drive and determination of hard working people, doing what they love to be the best.

Instead, the Olympics is always about anything, but the sport. This year, if there isn’t some story about some country pulling their athletes out of the games, or some protest at the games or abroad, it’s about some stupid American athlete protesting fur.

That’s right – fur. While millions of people starve in China, and millions more are beaten to death by the government, one of the American athletes held a press conference, where she showed off a poster of her in the nude, declaring fur evil.

If anything should be declared evil, it is the IOC.

Athletes from around the world dream of one day, competing with others from around the world in their sport. They all want the gold, but even just getting to the Olympics is a sign of prestige and glory.

But the IOC has tainted those dreams, by selling out. Instead of creating an event which really is all about athletes achieving their dreams, the members of the IOC have created an event to simply pad their already hefty wallets.

Sure, it costs millions of dollars for any country to host the Olympic games. And there are some benefits, jobs are created, tourism brings in money, and you get to be on the international stage.

But do you really want to share that stage, with people that are so dishonest and deceptive, they don’t care about the athletic dreams they are crushing?

Placing the Olympics in China was a bad idea. But having the IOC still calling the shots as to where to place the games is an even worse idea.

It is time the IOC be disbanded, and the Olympics be put into the hands of people that actually care about the games, instead of their own butts.

Relaxing Falling Water

One of my current client’s is so very stressful, I practically run out of the office every chance I get, like I am escaping something terrible.

In many ways I am – the atmosphere is pretty terrible. A divide and conquer approach, tossed into a highly individualistic and just as highly unproductive workplace, makes for something anyone in their right mind would want to escape.

Just like a kid in school running out to play during recess, I escape to the great outdoors. There is this very peaceful, quiet and relaxing water fountain not far from the client’s offices.

During lunch, I run out to that fountain, find a cold metallic chair, and sit and stair at the water fountain. Moving water is very soothing – from the sound, to the soft mist, to the fact watching it takes my mind away from the horrors of this horrific workplace.

I love this little fountain, and I’m surprised I haven’t run into others from the same office, escaping here too. Though maybe they are used to or enjoy the fatalistic approach – sickos all.

Anyone who enjoys relishing in making another person’s life hell is messed up in the head. Though I think a large part of the problem lies with management’s inability to manage . . . but hey, we’re talking about the peaceful water, NOT work!

Seagulls and pigeons fly in and out of the water. The pigeons are so accustomed to people feeding them, that they have absolutely no fear of people. They come right up to you and will actually eat out of your hand if you stay very steady.

Some of the pigeons are just like dogs, begging at their owner’s feet during dinner. They actually will come up and stare right at you, pleading with you to toss them some crumbs – and these are birds we are talking about!

There are ice cream trucks on the street, and hot dog vendors too, and they probably make a killing during lunch, as the water fountain area is always packed with others escaping from the troubles that plague them during work.

I love looking up at the sky, and just watching the bright white clouds dance across the brilliant blue sky. With the mist from the water, and the sound of the water fountain, it is pure relaxation.

Then I have to get back to reality, and back to hell. But at least this contract will be ending in a few short weeks, so I don’t feel the urge to escape.

I have never had any urges to run, to escape elsewhere, but this office is just so out there, so isolationistic, and so un-motivating that end of the day, I am completely wiped. I’m thankful for the few moments I can steal away at the water fountain – at least that gives me a chance to re-energize and recharge my already frustrated juices.

I’m just glad it isn’t winter, else the water would be ice, and I’d have no where to relax. Then, I’d probably be driven mad.

I wonder if the first person to go “postal” did so in winter?

Presume Nothing But Trouble

Recently, the Ontario government announced plans to increase organ donation in Ontario. Currently, you have to give your consent in writing prior to them taking your organs upon your death.

Problem is, most people don’t sign their organ donor cards. There are many potential reasons, the most likely is people just don’t want to be organ donors – and I can’t blame them.

Though what the current provincial government in Ontario is proposing is a far cry from a voluntary organ donation system which we have now – they are proposing presumed consent.

What that means is essentially everyone is automatically assumed to be an organ donor in Ontario, unless you opt out of it by signing the opt out card. That is, it unless you sign the little piece of paper which you normally ignore anyways, it is presumed that you are willing to be an organ donor.

This reminds me when many companies were using automatic renewals to keep people on their contracts – Rogers Cable was one of the biggies back in the day. You’d sign up for, say a three-year deal, and in the fine print, it said if you didn’t cancel within a certain number of days prior to your contract ending, it automatically renewed for another three-years.

Rogers doesn’t do this anymore, as most companies don’t – they learned by public outcry that presumed consent wasn’t always right.

The same hold true for organ donation – or anything else. Just because someone doesn’t remember to sign something, is no excuse to interpret that as they knowingly accept and acknowledge some hidden outcome.

Besides, can you imagine the ethical, legal and political battles which presumed consent for organ donation can cause?

What happens when little Johnny, a shell of his former self thanks to a horrific car crash, is kept on life support against his parent’s wishes, so that his organs can be harvested for another kid, who hasn’t made it into the hospital yet?

How would you feel if your son or daughter were clinically brain dead, and the doctors told you there is nothing more that can be done, but we’re keeping him or her on life support until we can remove his heart for someone else? Wouldn’t you just want to get it over with – could you imagine watching your dead kid being kept alive, just to benefit some stranger?

Granted, organ donation is a good thing to do – it does save lives. But keeping someone alive just for that purpose prolongs the pain and suffering of the next of kin – and that is wrong.

There are many other issues too – what about those who just forgot to sign their card. I know, it’s a weak excuse, but it’ll happen. By forgetting to sign your card under a presumed consent system, it is assumed that you are okay donating your kidneys, liver, heart or whatever else is needed at the time of your death.

Organ donation is a very personal thing – probably the most personal thing there is, as it deals with the ultimate of private property – our own bodies. It only makes sense then, that organ donation should be an informed, educated consent, not a presumed consent.

There is quite a bit of information already out there on organ donation, and whenever you renew your driver’s license, you are given the organ donor card to sign, or not to sign – the choice is up to you. As it should be.

When Reaching Out Isn't Easy

I get calls from prospective new clients all the time, and being pretty busy, usually they get my voice-mail.

Most are intelligent enough to leave their full name, company, and a number where I can call them back. That is most . . .

Just the other day, I received a voice-mail from a potential client, almost immediately I knew I may have trouble getting back in touch with this person. The voice-mail sounded like it was left by a person on a speaker phone, it was ‘tinny’ and the person on the other end sounded somewhat distant.

Whenever someone leaves you a message while they are on speaker phone, it says “hey, you’re not important enough for me to stop what I am doing and leave a proper message.” Also, speaker phones are hardly private, so unless she expected to get me immediately on the phone, and had others with her for a conference call, it is rude to be using her speaker phone.

Actually, it is rude to call someone you have never talked to before, and put them on the spot by placing them into an instant conference call with others you have never met before.

This potential client’s voice-mail included her first name, company name, a phone number and an extension to reach her. Sounds like all the right ingredients are in place for me to call back without any problems.

Wrong.

When I called back, I immediately got the company’s automatic answering system, which was tres high-tech, saying if I knew the person’s first and last name, I could say it into the phone, and be connected to that person. Problem is, I only had a first name and an extension.

So my only option was to enter the extension and hope for the best. The best – the best – not even close. The phone rang a few times, and then the automatic attendant kicked in saying: “the person at XXXX extension doesn’t subscribe to this voice messaging system, transferring your call to the operator.”

So, I was unable to leave a message, but at least I wasn’t left hanging – I was sent to the company’s operator.

The company’s operator said in order for her to transfer my call, I’d need a first and a last name, or an extension. So I gave her the first name and extension.

I was transferred again, to the exact same message I got before: “the person at XXXX extension doesn’t subscribe to this voice messaging system, transferring your call to the operator.”

As the phone dialed and transferred back to the operator, I hung up. What else could I do?

I had a first name and an extension that took me nowhere. I’m surprised the phone number I was given actually was the right number.

Makes me shake my head in wonder – in such an age where voice-mail is so common, how can there still be people out there that just don’t know how to leave a proper message?

I deleted this person’s voice-message from my voice-mail, as it didn’t get me anywhere. Hopefully, if this person is serious enough about getting in touch with me, she will call back. And, if this person has the misfortune of having to leave a voice-mail, maybe she’ll leave one with contact information I can actually use.

Warm Swirling Wet Goo

No – I’m not going to talk about THAT goo – get your head outta the gutter!

As I write this, I’m just back from the pool – all energized, eyes slightly hazy from the excessive chlorine, joints somewhat fatigued from a good workout, hair moist from the wet goo I swam in.

I’m using the word “goo” here in a positive way – by no means is the pool stanky. I live in a pretty high-end high-rise, and they do an exceptional job of maintaining all the public spaces, including the pool.

How can goo be good?

We’re all created in cess pools of goo. We really are when you think about it – amino acids and peptides mesh together in a genetic pool of protoplasm, floating from cell structure to cell structure, mixing, blending, oozing into chromosome bodies, to ultimately create the multi-celled maze of natural living breathing creatures we become at birth.

Swimming in the pool brought back memories from my initial goo stage. Well, not really – I had no memories back then! But it probably felt somewhat similar – the water was warm and soothing, floating over my body. The wind creating waves and currents, carrying bits and pieces of stuff.

Granted the stuff were bugs and leaves, but hey, we’re working on a science analogy here . . .
Where am I going with all this rhetoric about goo oozing in my pool?

We don’t talk science enough, yet we’re surrounded by science and technology. The information is out there – newspapers, television shows, radio broadcasts, the Internet – it is far easier to learn about science these days then ever before.

Problem is, although we have grown to depend on science and technology to survive, we really don’t care enough about it as a society, to take a real interest.

Where would you be without your phone? Thanks to good science, we are no longer out of touch with those that matter – or in many cases (like telemarketers) those that we’d rather avoid.

Without a computer, you wouldn’t be able to read this blog, check your email, or even chat with your buddies.

We see science all around us, but we don’t really take any interest other than what we can use. Which is sad, because if we were all a little more inquisitive, chances are we’d be better period.

If we tried to understand science, we’d probably pick up on the thought process involved in unravelling some of the big mysteries facing our time.

Such as solving global warming, stem cell use, even cloning human beings – and trust me, it’s more complicated than just creating another you.

Science isn’t something to be scared of – unless you blow something up. But hey, that’s just a practice one – right?

So This is How Our Government Works?

One of my current clients is a government ministry – one of the large ones at that. I’m working as part of a team, on a special project which is arms-length from the actual ministry, but still answers to that ministry – so I am told.

Everyone except the most senior of managers is a contractor. Most of those on their very first contract – some working in their very first “real” job – either they were in more administrative low-end/low-paying roles previously, or they are recent graduates.

Some are on contract for the very first time, having been on staff for many years before – these people are bitter and angry with the system, and they make it known. I’ve chatted with a few who complain about the lack of benefits, the lack of job security, and the lack of real leadership.

Well, the first two are common in contracting – there never are benefits, and job security doesn’t even exist anymore for those on staff. Look at BCE – the parent company of Bell Canada, the nation’s largest telecommunications company – they just announced last week they are trimming their workforce by three-percent – or 2,500 jobs. General Motors, Ford, even Chrysler have all announced staffing cutbacks. Air Canada, the nations only national airline, is cutting jobs too.

Lack of leadership – now there is a legitimate beef – especially for a publicly funded government project.

One of the benefits of being a veteran contractor, is that I have the experience of experiences. I work for big multi-global mega-corporations with hundreds of thousands of employees worldwide, to simple start-ups and mom and pop shops with barely enough employees to count on one hand. I’ve worked in offices where suits and ties every day are the norm, to ones where blue jeans and t-shirts are considered high-end fashion.

I experience many corporate cultures, and many leadership styles. That’s what makes me a good consultant. I learn from those who are good leaders, and I learn from those who – such as this government client – aren’t very good leaders.

I take the lessons from the good, and remember them, so that I can apply these lessons to other clients. And I learn what not to do, or even better, how to resolve issues created by poor management.

While experiencing these lessons from those who excel in their leadership roles is energizing, exciting, and empowering, it is far more painful to learn through the experiences of poor leaders.

Bad leaders never think they are bad – it’s not their fault things never get done on time or on budget – even though they have the final say on those things, and make the plans which lead up to those things – nope, not their fault at all. They always blame someone, or something else.

A true sign of a bad manager or leader is someone that comes to the table with blame, guilt, anger, frustration and other negative feelings about their team, their projects, or how others perceive of them, their team, or their projects.

The sign of a great manager or leader is someone that comes to the table with solutions to current and potential problems, is full of warmth, hope, energy, and drive. These people have nothing negative to say – even when times are tough and things look very bad. True leaders always have a way of turning major stumbling blocks into slight bumps – they are problem solvers, not creators. They speak highly of themselves, their teams and their projects – they know they have the right people to do the job – no matter what.

You’d expect government agencies and their projects to be on the ball when it came to sound leadership theory – hell, the universities and colleges are partly funded by the government, so they should be living the latest MBA theories.

But they aren’t – and they are costing us all.

Poor leadership increases the overall costs of anything those poor leaders touch – simply because they take so long to get things right, if they even ever do get those things right.

Turn-over of contractors and staff alike is higher under a poor leader, which is an added cost. It costs the average company about $5,000 to recruit and hire one new person – since I started this project just over a month ago, I’ve seen three people leave!

Tax payer dollars shouldn’t be funding poorly managed projects – but there probably are so many we never hear of, no one ever really knows about these things.

This project, as so many before it, will probably go well over budget, and be swept under the political rug when the next election comes, so as to not be noticed by the media.

I’ve only been with this client for just over a month, and I’ve already spent two-weeks worth of time re-doing the exact same thing I’ve already done, several times, just because none of the higher-ups can figure out which way is best. Hey, I charge by the hour – keep it coming! These foul-ups have cost this client thousands of dollars in under two-weeks, just to have me re-do something. That money is your money – tax payer money – but it now pads my growing bank account, because I charge way more than some junior contractor, and far more than a staffer to do my job.

That’s the true joy of consulting and the pain at the same time. I make more with clients that really haven’t a clue, because they don’t know how to manage themselves, and it creates more work for someone like me who is highly organized.

Though the pain and agony of working with bozos instead of prize winners probably will shorten my life – stress kills.

Sticky, Wet and Very Messy

I went to a local RibFest with my brother the other day – we went to the same one last year.

I love ribs – they are a real man’s man type of food. Sexism aside, ribs epitomize the male in today’s society.

Think about it, the meat is still on the bone, providing that primal sense of hunter-gatherer, dating back to when men went out to hunt for they families survival. The brownish-red rib sauce, dripping off the meat is reminiscent of the blood of the animal, another primal metaphor. You even have to eat them with your two hands, although a knife and fork can be used, that is just wrong.

Ribs were meant to be eaten with our bare hands, just as our gave-dwelling ancestors feasted on their freshly hunted food stuffs.

The whole process of cooking ribs, over an open-flame is yet another link to the past – they didn’t have ovens or stoves back in the era of early humans.

Maybe that’s why I love ribs – it brings out the man in me. Or maybe it’s just because ribs are a lot of fun to eat.

Sometimes, the messy things in life, are the most enjoyable – and ribs certainly are messy. Oozing with sauce, which always seems to find its way from the ribs, to other parts of my face, my hands and sometimes my clothes.

I got very messy at RibFest, not just with sauce – but also with mud and ice cream. It rained for the first part of our visit – I spent over 30-minutes in a bus shelter with my brother, as we waited out the rain, to see if the skies would clear.

We got lucky, the sun came out, and although we got drizzled on a few more times, we managed to tough it out. Though the grounds were very muddy – as the whole event is held in a park, so I got covered in mud and gunk as I traversed from one “ribber” to another.

But that’s the way our ancestors did it too – through the muddy forests, and dense brush of Mother Nature’s wildest of environments. They didn’t have the luxury of a bus shelter to take cover in.

It is always best to go to RibFest with someone. See, they have all these restaurants and bars, competing for Best Ribs of the Fest. Sure, you could go to one place, and try their ribs, but ribs are pretty heavy – chances are you’d be too full to try other places.

So, what we did – same as last year – was to get half racks from various places, and split them. That way, we each get a good sampling from all the different places – or as many as we could try before becoming too full.

The best way to hunt for your food is in a group too – you need backup support to help lure the prey, and then corner it, so that you get a clear shot. And it doesn’t hurt to have someone to talk to while you’re out in the wilds of nature.

It was nice to catch up with my brother, as we feasted on some very manly food, in the natural surroundings of a big urban park. Why we end up going on country music day is beyond me? I’m pretty sure they didn’t have country music in the cave man period – if they had, we probably wouldn’t have evolved much since those early days!

As for the ice cream, well – we all have the inner kid in us. You know that nutty, funny, zany character pushing to get out . . .

But that’s another story for another day.

The X-Files Meets Ozzy Osborn

David Duchovney is a pretty good actor – he made it big on the cult-hit The X-Files TV show back in the 1990’s.

He’s done some psudo-soft-porn in The Red Shoe Diaries, and most recently had an amazing streak as a writer with permanent writer’s block in Californication.

I haven’t heard much about the X-Files since the last movie back several years ago. The movie wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t nearly as good as the television show which originally spawned it.

Mulder and Scully are back, in the latest X-Files movie, which opened recently in theatres.

I was thinking about this while on my way to work the other day – it is hard to imagine the characters as they were, since so much as gone on since then.

I’ve seen some episodes of The Red Shoe Diaries, and all of the first season of Californication – I’m really looking forward to the coming season, provided Showtime Networks brings it back.

For most actors I never really think about them as one particular character versus another. But I’m thinking how hard it will be to see Duchovney playing Fox Mulder, a dry, FBI agent, since I’ve seen him play a colourful, witty, and wild rocker-writer-type in Californication.

Think about it, when you go to see a Johnny Depp movie, you don’t think about whether his character will be the same as that other movie he did – unless it is the same character of course. When I watch Pirates of the Caribbean, I know Johnny Depp will entertain as the nutty Capt. Jack Sparrow, just as I know when I see Edward Scissor Hands, Johnny Depp doesn’t fail to impress with his Edward character. Johnny Depp is different in all his movies – he really can become other people.

David Duchovney doesn’t seem to offer the same range – he’s the same in all his roles, just sometimes better mannered, and armed.

I suppose all actors have their strengths and weaknesses – they are human beings, just as you and me. But isn’t the whole point of being a great actor, to play many different roles, and become many different characters?

Isn’t the sign of a great actor, one who can appear completely different from one role to another?

But then again, I suppose not all actors are great, just good at what they do.

The Ultimate Cubicle Question

Sometimes I really wonder why I am here. No really – why am I here?

I’m sitting at a client site waiting for what we in the industry refer to as a SME – pronounced “SMEE” – which is a Subject Matter Expert – to get back to me with information I require to do my job.

All is quiet, as there isn’t anyone around – yet it is almost 9:30am! Everyone claims to come in around 7:00am to justify their early departures around 3:00pm – but on the training team, there is just me and one other person – out of a team of 12.

So, I sit here, typing out a blog, wondering why I am here?

I can’t do my work without the information from the SME, and I have done all the other work which I had too up to this point. So, I’m literally sitting idle, twiddling my thumbs, wondering what to do next?

At least I look busy while writing a blog – makes me appear to have something important to do. And appearances – especially in this place – are important. People don’t seem to understand that real talent is displayed in the end product – the work completed on a project.

Instead, they grant privilege and access to those who appear to be talented in their tasks, when in fact they too, are probably sitting idle. And we have all heard that saying about idle hands . . .

Makes me wonder how many people throughout all the offices around the world, are sitting idle, with nothing to do. Imagine how much money is wasted on salaries, consultant fees, even supplies for these people, who have nothing to do.

Well, at least I am paid big bucks in my consultant role, regardless of what I have or haven’t got to do. Though I have been a good consultant, and provided countless suggestions, and things they could best spend their money on me, while they have me on contract. I’ve consulted with them – providing them with ways to utilize me as a resource, exploit my talents, abilities, skills, knowledge and expertise.

They took a look at my reports, but because they promote those who appear to be in the know, rather than those who really are in the know, they just glossed over it, placed it on a shelf, and let it collect dust.

Meanwhile, here I sit, idling like a car, waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

Is it five o’clock yet?

Damn – only 9:35am – only killed a handful of minutes writing this blog. I hate being a writer sometimes, because the words just come too easily and don’t kill the time I need to kill.

Maybe I’ll start taking longer coffee breaks – too bad I don’t like coffee.

Home Isn't a Playground

I live in a very posh, high-rise – and I enjoy being here. The property management firm does an excellent job of maintaining the public areas, and there are security cameras every, making it a secure place to call home.

There is always a building superintendent on-call and available when ever something goes wrong, and by and large, they are nice people.

Recently, a new superintendent joined the team, and they brought their whole family. Not uncommon to have a family, but their kids run around the whole building, as if it were their playground.

They are always running up and down the halls, riding the elevators, and hanging around the property management offices. At first I didn’t mind, but now it has become somewhat of an annoyance.

I almost lost a whole armful of stuff, as I was walking into the building, and one of these little tykes came careening down the corridor.

I live high up, so they don’t often run around up on my floor. But I’ve heard people complaining on the lower floors that they make a lot of noise when they run around outside people’s homes.

This isn’t a playground and they shouldn’t be running all through the halls. There are parks just a five-minute walk (if that) down the road, and the building has a great pool – they should hang out there.

I suppose if enough people complain, then eventually something will be done – probably the property management office will tell the new “supers” to better manage their children.

Though it shouldn’t come to that – parents be – well – parents. All too often I see parents doing things which just don’t make a lot of sense.

I saw one young mom letting her infant child sip some of her Red Bull energy drink. That’s not healthy for adults, let alone what it can do to a baby.

When I come home late at night, after a night on the town, say midnight or even later, I see parents with their kids – or sometimes just kids out on their own. When I was a kid, my parents wouldn’t let me be out past sundown – let alone some of these kids are up long enough to see the sun rise.

I don’t have any kids, so I can’t tell someone how to be a good parent. But you don’t need to have a bunch of letters after your name to recognize poor parenting when you see it.

Getting back to the kids running around my building – that’s just lazy parenting. Sure their parents work in the building, and are around for their kids. But letting their kids ride up and down the elevators, run down the halls screaming, and constantly talking to just anyone that happens to come in, that’s definitely not a good way to parent a child.

It puts an awkward onus on us residents to essentially look out for these kids – and ensure they don’t get themselves into any real trouble. And it is an even more awkward thing to have to complain to those who you one day may need to depend on, to get your water to run again, or other such building issue.

Hopefully, the property management firm will take the right corrective course of action, and things will return to normal soon. Otherwise, I’ll just practice my form of parenting – duct tape.

Duct tape?

Hey, I told ya, I don’t have any kids, so what do I know? But duct tape seems to work on most difficult problems . . .

Where’d I put that roll of duct tape?

Talking Hoo-Hoos

Using some cheesy pick up line to get someone’s attention is as old a trick as any. Probably long before cavemen walked the earth, dinosaurs had something similar to lure a potential mate. It was all in the growl.

I was on the subway the other day, and as often happens, those who get on first get a seat, the rest stand. I had the luxury of a seat, while two young women – probably in their mid-twenties – ended up standing in front of me.

They were obviously trying to get my attention, talking loud, and smiling my way anytime I happened to look up to see where we were.

But I suppose that just wasn’t good enough, they had to try something more brazen.

One of the women, said to her friend: “I just got my hoo-hoo pierced,” she giggled.

Her friend said: “no way! You mean the area down there?” as she pointed to her most private of areas.

Then they both smiled upon me, knowing I’d look up if I happened to hear the nature of their explicit conversation.

Explicit conversations aren’t uncommon among consenting adults, but usually take place in less public gatherings. In some jurisdictions, even uttering a swear word can land you in jail.

I smiled back, and they perked up – at last, they thought – victory! We got his attention.

Too bad for them, my stop was next, and I made a quick exit.

It’s always flattering to be hit on, and it happens from time to time. It makes me feel not as old as I do sometimes, and it is always a turn on when someone else finds you attractive.

But what ever became of the pick-up line? Is it necessary to talk about what we do to our private parts in public, to get someone’s attention? Does that sort of talk work?

When I was much younger, I remember attempting an awkward pick-up line here and there. They never worked, I found good old fashioned honesty works best when trying to ask someone out.

Sometimes you just have to start a conversation with someone, about anything – the weather, a local sports team, traffic – though I suppose one sure way to get someone’s attention is by talking about your hoo-hoo.

But talking about hoo-hoos and other body parts might not get you the attention you were hoping for.

Although I was flattered to be the object of two women’s desires, I was tired from a long day at work, and didn’t really know what to say had I somehow jumped into the conversation. What can you say about some stranger’s hoo-hoo, without getting slapped silly?

Though if they are open enough to mention their hoo-hoo, I guess anything is fair game. Which makes me wonder, what they would have started talking about next, had I stayed longer?

The “I” In Team

One of my current consulting client’s contracts is drawing to a close, and I am ever so thankful.

They have mastered the art of placing the “I” in “team.”

Well, they haven’t really mastered the art, what they do is refer to their “group” as opposed to their “team.”

It is an interesting distinction, and it shows how exclusivity can still occur in today’s “team” centered workplace.

When we think of a “team” we often think about sports teams – elite athletes, working together towards the same common goal – to win the game. The Toronto Blue Jays baseball team wants to do what all professional baseball teams do – win.

A group is a completely different concept – groups can oppose each other, work towards totally opposite goals and means. When we think of a “group” we often think about labour disputes or protestors. The Teamsters – despite their name – is a group, a labour union which represents the exclusive interests of it’s group members.

At this client, very rarely do I hear the word “team.” Usually when a gathering of minds is required to complete a task, it is referred to as “group.”

And let me tell you, although their may be a group of people together as one – the soci-political atmosphere is so divided, that just about everyone in that group is their own “group.”

Everyone is fending for him or herself – even when working as a collective group! None of the various groups work towards the same goal – though ultimately, they need to appear to do so.

When decisions need to be made, it is like walking into a tense labour dispute on the eleventh-hour, just before a strike vote. Everyone has their back to the wall, and everyone is tense, angry, and frustrated.

This makes it very difficult to really get anything done – because no matter how reasonable a request may be, there is always – ALWAYS – someone opposing it. A natural occurrence, when everyone is more concerned about what’s best for themselves, instead of what is best for the project, the organization, or the team.

Oh yeah – team – they don’t have any.

What’s even more disconcerting, is all of the problems within the organization stem from issues that could quickly and easily be addressed, if only they worked as a team, instead of as a group.

If they got rid of all the “I’s” – which would mean axing all the management because they create this atmosphere of anxiety – then they could bring about real, positive change.

But that’s unlikely to occur, as the group dynamic just doesn’t have any team spirit.

Go Team! Go Team! Ra-ra-ra . . . well, maybe my next client will be more team-driven, and we’ll be able to do some real work for a change!

New Facebook Layout A Winner

I’m not a big fan of social networking sites. For those who read my blog often, you’ll know how those so-called “friends” you add, but never really talk to again, really aren’t your friends.

A friend is someone you can call on a whim, and go to the movies with. A friend is someone who is there when you need them. A friend is . . .

Well, I’ve gone there already – this blog isn’t about social networking. It is about one social networking site – Facebook.

I have a Facebook site. Yes, I admit it, I do! I like to keep up with the goings on in other peoples lives, because my life is just so damn boring. NOT!

Actually, I do enjoy keeping up with people that at one point and time actually meant something to me and I hopefully to them. It isn’t like Myspace, or Twitter, or most of the other social networking sites, where people just add each other randomly, never actually having really known each other.

Recently, Facebook did a major makeover, and I like it!

They have redesigned the whole interface, making it easier to navigate through. They added a tab-bar at the top, where you can add buttons to frequently used features. And they took away the clutter that forms, if you add many applications, games, message walls and other things.

I really like the new look, but my one complaint is the configuration takes for ever! The previous interface allowed you to drag-and-drop sections and applications to your liking. The new interface, allows you to position most items where you want, but you have to actually go to that item’s page, and then select the options for displaying that item.

I have 14 applications on my Facebook, and so I had to go through all 14 applications, one-by-one, to set their display options. Very time consuming and not very user-friendly. Often I had to go back to other applications I had already set display options for, because one of the other applications I had set was “crushing” that previously set application.

Still, I am pleased with the Facebook team for their hard work on this new interface. Although it isn’t easy to set, once it is configured, it is crisper, cleaner and quicker to navigate through.

They still don’t allow much customization – it would be nice to be able to go wild in Dreamweaver and design my own HTML/JAVA-based design. But I suppose there are technical and practical reasons for that.

I like the chat module they have on Facebook as well, it works well, and doesn’t take up as much screen-space as MSN Live. Though it lacks a lot of the options MSN Live, or any of the dedicated instant messaging programs offers. But for a stand-alone Java-applet, it does the job and that’s all one can really ask.

Though my biggest peeve with Facebook, isn’t really with Facebook, it’s more to do with manners, and social conscious I suppose.

Here’s my big beef – after adding someone, usually from my past, I’ll get a nice thank-you for adding me message, always ending with “how are you?”

So, naturally, I write back, saying how things are and maybe a Cliff’s Notes version of what’s new and interesting in my life, and I always ask back – “how are you?”

Then I never hear hide nor head from that person again!

Grrrr – fake friends, just adding people to increase their friend numbers.

But that’s another blog, for another day.

Microsloth’s Never-Ending Bridge of Despair

When Bill Gates started Microsoft back before the world new about the computer revolution, he was really on the ball.

He had just been turned down by IBM to create their operating system for their new line of home PC’s – the original IBM PC – and decided to go out on his own to see what he could do.

Saying Bill Gates did quite well for himself is a supreme understatement – the man was until recently, the richest person on the planet.

Microsoft’s operating system spread like the wind, and is the most commonly used software globally. When you go out and buy a new computer, you rarely have a choice in what makes it run. Usually, it comes pre-installed with some version of Windows – unless of course you go a completely different route, and get an Apple.

Because of Microsoft’s domination of the operating system market, we’ve come to accept it as it is – bugs and all.

When Microsoft releases software, it really isn’t street-ready – it is often still in the developmental stages. Oh, it will do what it is supposed to, for the most part. Though you may have to curse and swear, as you fiddle with awkward, undocumented settings, or wait until a Windows Update resolves the issue with a “Security Update.”

Most Windows Security Updates include bug fixes, to commonly reported errors in the software. We the customer, provide free quality assurance support to the world’s largest software company. How nice we are!

Which brings me to the point of this rant – I discovered one of those non-documented bugs recently.

I was playing around with my network settings, trying to increase the speed of the network. Through Miscrosoft’s own documentation, I learned you can create a network bridge, between and among different network locations, to combine the bandwidth and in turn increase data flow.

Increased data flow, in theory, should increase the speed of the network. Meaning when I download all those movies I’m supposed to watch in theatres, I’ll actually get the movies faster.

The data flow did increase, and some network activities did speed up. But then I noticed some network activities stopped working altogether.

No longer could I keep my network private and safe from hackers, as network discovery had to be on. And the biggest problem, MSN Live Messenger would load, but couldn’t access the network. So, I couldn’t chat live with my buddies.

I couldn’t figure out why MSN Live Messenger had stopped working. I did what any computer geek does when something that once worked, but now doesn’t – I looked up the error code on Microsoft’s own database.

The error code told me either my Live ID or password were wrong. So, I tried entering both again – several times in fact – but nothing worked. So, I uninstalled the whole MSN Live bundle, and re-installed it from scratch. That’s the true computer geek solution – when all else fails, wipe it clean and re-install.

As soon as MSN Live had re-installed, I was eager to try it – thinking I solved the problem.

Nope – exact same error code, minus a few stressed out hairs on my scalp.

So, I disabled my newly created network bridge – volia – MSN Live Messenger worked once again.

I did a search again in the MSN Live Messenger help system, and on Microsoft’s extensive database – but nothing turned up!

Thanks to me, it’ll probably be resolved in the next Windows Update – but do I get anything for all my trouble. Nadda, nothing, no way!

No wonder Bill Gates is so stinkin’ rich.

Crap from the Third-World

When you go into a dollar store, you just know you’ll be surrounded by crap. It may be interesting crap, but anything for a dollar or less these days, can’t be very good.

I used to like going to Home Hardware, a truly Canadian store, with lots of great things for the household. Then Home Hardware – or at least the ones near me – all started selling crap. They still sell hardware – though it is hard to find among all the cheap made in The Peoples’ Republic of Congo, Mongolia, or China. Essentially, they turned a great Canadian hardware store into a dollar store.

You can get good deals on paper, and occasionally you can find great prices on chocolate. But read the label – some of those chocolates are about to expire, and those that aren’t were made in some third-world country, and don’t taste very good!

There is an influx of cheap crap coming in from third-rate – I mean third-world – no, check that – third-rate – countries. That’s why there are so many dollar stores popping up all over the land.

I’ve seen people line up early in the morning to get into the dollar store. Reminds me of that famous quote from someone wise – “there’s a sucker born every minute.”

Yes, you can buy light bulbs, batteries and clock radios at the dollar store. But chances are, the light bulbs will burn out within a matter of hours, the batteries will die almost as fast as you paid for them, and the clock radio may tell time, but it’ll either be way too fast or way too slow.

Things bought al-a-cheap just don’t last, and why people continue to pay for crap is beyond me.

I was downtown the other day, and I saw a “Made In China” store – no joke. It is located between an adult novelty store, and a strip club – go figure.

Stuff made in China isn’t only cheap, it has proven to be quite dangerous too. Pet food and children’s toys made over there are constantly being recalled by the government because of toxins. Toxins which in some circumstances have actually killed people’s pets.

So far, we’ve been lucky – barely – and no human being as actually died from these shoddy discounted products. But with stores continuously pumping this crap, and morons continuously paying for it, sooner or later, we’ll hear about people dying from their cheap thrills.

Maybe once the “Made In China” bodies start hitting the news, people will wake up and stop buying that crap.

Then again, a sucker is born every minute.

A Cray in Every Home

When I was a teenager, computers weren’t all that common. Most people were considered celebrities just for having a working VCR, let alone having a computer at home.

We’re talking the 1980’s, when Atari, Apple and Commodore were the big names in home computing. This is back in the days, when the most complicated thing a home computer could reasonably be expected to do, was let you do a mail merge.

Times have certainly changed – I recently saw one of the big box electronic stores selling home entertainment servers. Yes servers – not just a standard computer – a server for someone with a home network.

WOW! It used to be that only companies had servers – a dedicated computer to maintain a complex filing system of data and/or programs.

To think that servers are now becoming common enough in the home, that people can go to their local computer store and just pick one off the shelf, is revolutionary.

It isn’t uncommon for people to have their own home network – as people continuously buy new computers, they keep their old ones and give them to their kids. So an older computer may be handed down to a son or daughter. Using wireless routers, all of these computers can easily be given access to the same Internet connection, creating a small local network.

So the next logical step is to have a server in the home, one where everyone sharing the network, can access the same files, without having to copy those files to their own machines.

Still, the concept is amazing for me to see, as I remember the old days, when you went to someone’s home and saw an Atari ST or Atari SE and said – WOW, you have a COMPUTER!!!

These days, if someone doesn’t have a computer, you wonder how on earth the survive. Who can live without email, instant messaging, and constant access to pointless videos on YouTube?

It’s almost as if we’ve all graduated from the old days of the IBM PCjr (my first computer) and now have Cray’s in our homes. The Cray was the world’s first super computer – it filled an entire room, took several nuclear generators worth of electric power to run, and made lots of noise.

With servers now becoming common in the home, we have in a sense all graduated to having our own super computers at home. Only – thankfully – they don’t fill an entire room, cause the lights to go dim when flipped on, and rarely make too much noise.

Social Networking and “Friends”

I’m not a big fan of these so-called “social networking” websites, I find they take people out of the real world and into fantasy worlds for too long.

People on these sites, such as Myspace and Facebook, accumulate hundreds of “friends” most of whom they know almost nothing about. Yet for many, those “friends” are often thought to be real, and actual, when in fact, if you haven’t ever actually spent time with someone in real-time, you really don’t know that person.

But there are some pretty cool things on these social networking sites – like their trivia games.

I’m a huge fan of the TV show The Simpson’s, and I’ve been playing The Simpson’s trivia game on Facebook for sometime now. I’ve got a very high score, and I enjoy answering questions about something I actually know something about.

It is really quite addictive – so much so, that I’ll try and pop online at least once a day to answer some questions. Recently, I’ve even begun formulating my own questions, which I have uploaded and added to the trivia game.

What a rush it is, to not only answer questions, but to be part of the game. This is true social networking – where you can join an environment of people who share your passion for something, and share that passion.

I don’t think each and every other person playing the trivia game as my friend – nor do I socialize with them. I know they too, are just interested in the fun from the game. But, I think that’s where social networking comes into play.

If you happen on someone that wants to add you as their “friend” you should really take the time to get to know that person and become their friend – minus the quotes.

Don’t just add anyone as a friend – add people you actually can get to know – go out for drinks, talk with on the phone, spend real-time in real-time with these people.

People that just add “friends” and never take the time to really get to know them, aren’t really adding “friends” they are adding strangers.

Think about it – would you open up your home to a stranger?

Of course not – that’s just asking for trouble. But, if you go out with someone, talk, and really get to know someone, now that’s a person I’d be happy to call a friend on my social networking site.

The Disappearance of Open Green Grassy Spaces

Recently I went back to my old university campus. They have an annual tennis tournament there, and I took in the event with my dad.

I’m not much of a tennis fan, I don’t even play the game. But I was excited to be going to an event I hadn’t been to before, and to see my old university again.

I go to most of the alumni events for my old school, and I hear about all the wonderful things going on. New buildings, new faculties, more research projects.

As we approached my old school, I grew all the more excited. I had spent some of my most memorable and enjoyable years on that campus. I grew-up on that campus, from a kid fresh out of high school, to a young adult, ready to tackle the world.

But all was new again. Sure, much of the buildings were there – but there was so much that wasn’t there before. There were even whole streets that hadn’t existed when I was a student.

It was like coming home, but not home. I recognized some of my old hang-outs, but then there were all these new funky places in the way.

I am proud and pleased to see my alma-matter grow. But in some ways, it was somewhat sad too – because much of my memory was no longer real.

Also, with new buildings, means fewer open green grassy spaces. Although my minor was environmental science, I’m not going to launch into a tree-hugging rant.

I’m merely thinking in terms of university life. When I was a kid on campus, part of the ritual, the routine, the right-of-passage, was to fill those open green grassy spaces with riddles, debates, philosophical thoughts, and concrete ones too. After lectures, I’d go with my fellow classmates (and occasionally the professor would join in) to the pub, grab a couple of drinks, and then wander over to one of the many open green grassy spaces to sit under some tall tree, and debate the issues of the day. It is an event not all that uncommon on university campuses around the globe – that’s why so many universities have green grassy spaces, lined with trees, benches and backpacks.

Ah, the sign of student life – the backpack. I remember everyone everywhere had one when I was on campus. Filled with textbooks, papers, pens, and that student agenda freely given to students by the student association, but never really used.

Backpacks would dot the open green grassy spaces, indicating that this space was taken. It’s like the “Occupied” sign on the bathroom door in an airplane, alerting you to take up another spot.

Taking up another spot wasn’t all that hard, there used to be many open green grassy spaces.

But with all the new buildings which went up, all those open green grassy spaces have started to disappear. So finding your own spot of green to discuss and debate may become a huge task.

Which is sad, because student life shouldn’t be about find a spot to be – it should be about finding people to discuss and debate – because that’s where great leaders come from. Those willing to discuss and debate under the open, freedoms which universities encourage, take those debated ideas, and upon graduation have a whole new way of making our world work.

By taking away those big open green grassy spaces, you limit the potential of our future generations, and in the end, destroy more than just a green space.

Too Many Managers and Not Enough Worker Bees

My latest client isn’t a shabby deal – when I first showed up, they had recently moved into nice posh digs. All the furniture is brand new – I even had to unwrap my chair. First time in all the years I’ve been working that I had to do that!

Problem though, everyone wants to run the world, and few want to do the work. Sure, being “the boss” sounds all impressive – but it requires hard work, dedication and know-how just like being a non-manager-type. The boss may make more, but they are supposed to know more about managing people, projects, and resources. That’s why they are given more responsibilities and in turn, more money.

People that want to be the boss but aren’t the boss are pulsating sores, just waiting to pop in the work world. Not only do they alienate and offend those they order around without reason, but they don’t take on the responsibilities which a real manager would. And, when they finally do get up off their lazy butt and do some real work, it isn’t very good, because they don’t really know how to do the work in the first place.

At my latest contract site, there are far too many wanna-be bosses and not enough worker bees. This creates a very hostile and unpleasant environment, where everyone wants to have it their way, and there is very little give and take. In fact, I don’t seem to get much work done, unless the rest of the “team” is away.

I say “team” because it really isn’t a team. If everyone wants to be the boss, then no one is working together in a team environment. So, you end up with a bunch of individuals, all wanting things done exactly their own way. When all these individuals get together, they spend more time butting heads, arguing for their own individual positions, and in many cases taking things way too personally for a professional workplace, all while the project fails to get completed.

That’s why I don’t get much done unless they aren’t around. When I do attempt to do anything, someone always comes by to “check-up” on me, and tell me to do it another way. After about 10-people telling me to do the same thing 10 different ways, I eventually just stop working, and in many cases just goof off.

What else can one do?

There isn’t any point to trying to do anything, because as soon as I get started, I’m being told to do it a different way.

Funny thing, as a consultant, I’m supposed to be “the expert” and regarded as knowing how to do my job. But when everyone wants to be the boss, it doesn’t matter how much of an expert I am, there will always be someone around to criticize and tell me how to do my job. And trust me, these people aren’t experts – when I tell them that’s not the professionally accepted standard used ‘round the world, they give me a hairy-eyeball stare challenging my point of view. Then they pause, and make up some excuse for not doing it my way – despite my way being the way it is done everywhere else.

I’ve just begun this contract, and already I’m looking forward to it’s conclusion!

Too Close for Comfort

I was on the subway the other day – it is one of the fastest and easiest ways to get around the downtown core. Parking is always expensive – if you can even find a spot to park in.

I’ve noticed more people are taking public transit these days – can’t blame them with the constant gauging of the big oil companies. The subways have always been busy during rush hour, and unfortunately, that always makes for a very tight squeeze on the trains.

We all have our comfort zones, especially when in the proximity of strangers. Some of us, don’t mind people within inches of our face, but for the most part, we like to keep some distance between us and them.

We all are experts in body language too – those unspoken vibes we give off through a combination of facial expressions and body positioning.

Typically, if someone gets too close for our comfort zone, we’ll give them the right signals which usually causes the offender to back off. These signals may be us moving away, a quick jerking away of our bodies, and many more common signals.

While I was on the subway, a couple of teenage girls, probably in their late teens or early twenties, got on and stood next too me. At first they kept a safe distance, which I liked. Then, the one closest too me invaded my comfort zone. She was literally brushing up against me.

The subway was overcrowded, as per usual during rush hour, but still, there was no reason this person had for coming that close. I moved off a couple of times, looked her way in disgust and even took a wider stance, to say “this is my space.”

She either didn’t get the message, or more likely, got the message, and decided she just wanted to play a game – what that game was, I wasn’t sure.

Maybe she was trying to get my attention out of some attraction? Maybe she just was a mean perverse kid, trying to see how far she could push a complete stranger? Maybe she just wanted more space?

Who knows? But I wasn’t amused – and my body language was doing a lot of yelling at this point – others around me were giving me far more space than they were before, so much so, they were cramping on the space of those around them.

Still, this young girl kept getting closer. I stepped on her feet a couple of times – sometimes accidentally, sometimes not, in the hopes she’d realize there just wasn’t enough space for the both of us.

Eventually, my stop came and I took some sweet revenge. Usually, I’ll be polite and excuse myself through the crowd. This time, I just pushed her out of the way with my umbrella, and left the train. I heard her yell “hey!” but I didn’t care. The doors to the train closed, and she and the train took off down the tracks.

Rude people suck – but I think those others treat with rudeness and disrespect often bring this onto themselves. Normally I’m not rude – but this kid caused me to lose my patience, and in the end, treating her badly.

But she’s one of zillions of blurred faces whizzing past on a subway train. She’ll probably never see me again – and I certainly could care less if I saw her again.

I’m just thankful I brought my umbrella that day!