Friday, January 23, 2009

Voluntary Tax? Oh What The Hell.

There’s this old joke about some guy, we’ll call him Homer. Homer lives a modest life, with his wife and kids. He’s not a very religious man, but every day he prays for his family, his friends and that one day: “please God, let me win the lottery.”

Every week Homer anxiously watches the lottery balls drop on television, and every week is the same – no winnings. But he’s happy, because his family and friends are okay, and that’s what really matters.

When Homer dies from old age, he goes before God and says: “thanks for taking care of my friends and family, but please tell me, why did you never answer my prayers to win the lottery?”

“Homer, you need to give me a break, you should have at least bought a lottery ticket.”


I always joke about lotteries, how they are voluntary taxes. Sadly, some people put all their hopes and dreams into these things, yet the chances of actually winning the big take are slim to none. You’d have a better chance getting hit by lightening, dying in a plane crash, or seeing Elvis.

But then again, our government run lotteries do a lot of good in other ways. The profits made from ticket sales go into the communities – funding hospitals, shelters, after-school programs and other worthy causes.

Though our thoughts really don’t turn to those we help when we purchase a lottery ticket. Our thoughts are pure greed-driven here, as we salivate wondering what we’d do if we won the big one.

That was my thinking today when I bought a handful of tickets to this week’s Lotto 6/49. I don’t usually buy lottery tickets, like I said, I think they are a waste of money. But this week’s draw is about $43 million.

That’s a lot of money to salivate over – though I’d have a better chance of getting run over by a herd of wild rhinos during a full moon.

I just happened to be at the local mall, getting some basic essentials, and noticed the long line-ups throughout the mall. There are a few places in the mall where you can purchase lottery tickets, and at each one, eager wanna-be millionaires were lined-up, gobbling up their hopes and dreams in lottery tickets.

As I fumbled through the mall, with armloads of stuff, passing these long line-ups, I thought: “what the hell.”

I don’t pray that I’ll win the lottery, I’m not a religious kind of guy. But you never know unless you try – and seeing as the last time I actually bought a lottery ticket was probably over three-years ago, I’m probably due.

And that $43 million would be a nice addition to my bank account. I’d pay off all my debts, and buy a nice island somewhere in some sunshine destination to live in seclusion – just me and my army of centerfold porn stars that do my bidding. . .

I just hope it isn’t a full moon.

No comments:

Post a Comment