Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Workout Eye Mavens and the Search for the Screaming Thigh Sweats

I love working out – I could easily workout every day, but that’s not good for you. I love the feeling of the “burn” as my muscles work extra hard pumping iron. I enjoy counting down the minutes on an eclipse machine – feeling extra special for going the distance.

And I enjoy the scenery as it enjoys me.

Women and men sometimes dress to impress at the gym. Often you see muscle bound guys like me in tight muscle-hugging t-shirts. Women love to show it off too – often wearing tight Spandex thingies, showing off their tight little bods.

I sometimes think people go to the gym just to meet people. I see men all the time flirting with women, women teasing men with long stares, followed by bold stretches showing off their curve appeal.

I get the occasional puppy dog too – women that are so enamoured with you, they will follow you around the gym like a little lost dog.

These horny members of the other sex, typically will try to workout either right next to me, or as close to me as possible, often mirroring whatever it is I am doing.

Today, I was lucky to have a puppy dog follow me around. I felt like a celebrity with my own Paparazzi. Imagine, an attractive woman tailing me – me – yeah ME !!!


The puppy dog came around after my warm-up. I had began my abdominal routine – today I did some leg raises, then I did some work with the medicine ball.

The puppy dog placed her mat on the floor right next to mine. And she began doing some stretches. She did what a lot of women seem to do – she started staring at me, only to look away the second I happened to look her way (but not before letting me see her checking me out).

Why do women do this?

I know women are just trying to get the man to make the first move. But I like the way us guys work a room – we just go up and start talking to someone we like. If the conversation has good vibes, great – if not, hey move on.

Women on the other hand can play this look and run game all day long – it drives me nuts. I like women that are direct and actually willing to talk to a guy, rather than stare, turn and run.

I was focusing on my workout, so I paid little attention to this puppy dog. So, she began to do the same exercises as me.

I’ve seen this a zillion times – do as the one you want does and he’ll be attracted to you like a bug to a light.

Although imitation is a great form of flattery, and I’m always amazed when women start playing their puppy dog love games of intent with me – again I wish women would just say something.

This puppy dog was trying to keep up with me and my never-ending leg raises, while she probably would have been in less pain and agony had she just opened up her mouth and said something.

“Do those leg raises work?” would be a great conversation starter.

Or even better: “Can you show me how to do those?” as this gets me involved not just in the conversation, but in her.

But instead, this puppy dog just huffed and puffed her way through leg raises. And it’s pretty hard to get to know someone when you’re so out of breath, you can’t talk.

I finished my abdominal routine and left the room – heading where I always go next – the weight room.

Maybe this puppy dog lost interest, or simply couldn’t move, because I didn’t see her for quite a while. Then she suddenly re-appeared while I was in the middle of a cardio routine on a treadmill.

I was doing a hill routine on the treadmill, and all of a sudden there she was on the treadmill next to me.

Well, maybe this time – I thought – she’d open her pie hole long enough to say something.

She smiled at me, I smiled back – and went back to working out.

Sometimes, people do the strangest things to get your attention. This puppy dog did almost everything imaginable – and some things I’d never imagine – to get my attention.

She started coughing a few times. Dropped her towel and it went flying off the back of the treadmill – she had to go get it. She spilled her water, then she dropped it and it and the water bottle went everywhere. She’d stop her treadmill and then start it up again.

“Excuse me?” a voice said.

I turned, hey – she was talking to me!

Imagine that – she actually took the initiative to start a conversation.

“Do you no how late the gym is open?” she asked, blushing all the while.

This is why she’s probably single. If you’re going to ask someone a question – someone you’re interested in – then it should be a question which can involve a lot of dialogue. Ask me about me, what I like to do, how often I workout, who I think makes the best burgers – anything but a simple, straight quick to answer-type question.

“I think the gym is open until midnight,” I responded. What else could I say? That’s all she asked. Though I seriously doubt she’d be working out until midnight – she was having trouble keeping up with me as it was, and I certainly wasn’t staying past the witching hour.

“Thanks,” she mumbled.

There was a long awkward silence, for quite a while.

Then I heard: “I see you here all the time, you come here often, don’t you?”

The puppy dog had finally started to talk to me!

I was amazed – usually these women do everything to get my attention, but actual conversation – wow. I was impressed.

We talked for a bit, but this woman left it too late too long – my treadmill beeped workout complete and I was done. We talked for a bit as I towelled down, then I left.

All in all – this woman probably spent the better half of two-hours tailing me, trying to get my attention, but only actually spoke with me for less than five-minutes (she started to really talk to me once my cool down had begun.)

I don’t understand women. But hey, maybe this puppy dog will have better luck approaching her next victim. . .

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