The marketing team at work never ceases to amaze me. They seem to know how to work the system so that they continue to have cozy jobs, despite completely useless at those jobs.
Today, I was on the phone for twenty minutes, listening to excuse, after excuse from the marketing manager, about why she didn’t need to have anything to show for her countless work.
They have been supposedly working for several months on a marketing push, they even sent out an email not once but twice last night to everyone in the company telling them that these new marketing materials would be launched in May.
Great I was thinking to myself, as we need some of those new marketing materials for a training initiative on May 11.
But after my phone call, it turns out that only the mock-ups will be launched in May. Though clearly the emails don’t mention the word “mock-up” or “prototype” or any other indicator of preliminary stage of development.
The two emails that were sent, one was sent to correct an error in the first. And these emails were both sent to everyone at the company, including our over 700 sales representatives, the company executive team, and its board of dictators – whoops – I mean directors. Yeah, that’s what they prefer to be called.
When the monkeys are left to run the shop, all you get are bananas. Must be a lot of monkeys at the executive level, as the marketing team has been allowed to continue to slide into disarray for some time without any consequences. The marketing managers are still in their lofty windowed offices, and the vice-president of marketing and sales is still enjoying the benefits of both title and position.
Yet the marketing team doesn’t seem to be able to do much of anything in my short stint with this contract. Well, that’s not true – they are great at blowing budgets.
The marketing team blew their entire budget and then some in less time it takes a McWorker time to flip your Big Mac. They are actually over budget by $500, 000 – yeppers, that’s half-a-million dollars!
Maybe the marketing managers are blowing more than just budgets, because they don’t seem to care about the fact that they aren’t producing, while wasting away the company’s fiscal resources.
You’d figure if they went over budget by $500,000 big ones, they’d actually have something to show for it. Maybe a corporate video, a few handouts, hell, even a Post IT note with an IOU from their ad agency promising something big and fancy – something worth more than $500, 000.
Nope.
Nadda.
Nothing.
All I got from my conversation with the marketing manager was a lot of excuses, worried exchanges when I started questioning her timelines and deadlines, and then a lot of feeble attempts to get me to not mention this to anyone else in the company.
And she was so slick too. She’s a pro when it comes to crying the innocent whilst guilty game.
“Oh, I thought our meeting was tomorrow?”
No, you emailed your confirmation for today’s meeting this morning – don’t you read your own email?
“Oh, that’s not what I was told, we were told that our marketing pieces were just nice to have’s for the training,” Kristen the marketing moron – I mean manager – yeah, that’s what she likes to think she is – says.
As soon as I started mentioning how I’d have to confirm everything she was telling me with one of the executives, she started to come up with reasons why I shouldn’t bother.
“Don’t worry, we’ll talk to her.”
“You don’t want to get involved in this mess, we’ve been going back and forth on this for ages.”
I bet you have – you’re great at evading and deception marketing moron – whoops – I mean marketing manager – but low on actually producing.
I just shake my head and wonder how these bozos managed to stay on in their jobs for so long. Don’t the hire-ups care about their company enough to want it to succeed? Don’t they see the waste, the lack of commitment, the lack of – well – of marketing?
Don’t they?
Like I said, the marketing managers are probably blowing more than just budgets to keep their nice cozy and very cushy gigs.
To bad all the execs are men, I’d love to make money for nothing.
Today, I was on the phone for twenty minutes, listening to excuse, after excuse from the marketing manager, about why she didn’t need to have anything to show for her countless work.
They have been supposedly working for several months on a marketing push, they even sent out an email not once but twice last night to everyone in the company telling them that these new marketing materials would be launched in May.
Great I was thinking to myself, as we need some of those new marketing materials for a training initiative on May 11.
But after my phone call, it turns out that only the mock-ups will be launched in May. Though clearly the emails don’t mention the word “mock-up” or “prototype” or any other indicator of preliminary stage of development.
The two emails that were sent, one was sent to correct an error in the first. And these emails were both sent to everyone at the company, including our over 700 sales representatives, the company executive team, and its board of dictators – whoops – I mean directors. Yeah, that’s what they prefer to be called.
When the monkeys are left to run the shop, all you get are bananas. Must be a lot of monkeys at the executive level, as the marketing team has been allowed to continue to slide into disarray for some time without any consequences. The marketing managers are still in their lofty windowed offices, and the vice-president of marketing and sales is still enjoying the benefits of both title and position.
Yet the marketing team doesn’t seem to be able to do much of anything in my short stint with this contract. Well, that’s not true – they are great at blowing budgets.
The marketing team blew their entire budget and then some in less time it takes a McWorker time to flip your Big Mac. They are actually over budget by $500, 000 – yeppers, that’s half-a-million dollars!
Maybe the marketing managers are blowing more than just budgets, because they don’t seem to care about the fact that they aren’t producing, while wasting away the company’s fiscal resources.
You’d figure if they went over budget by $500,000 big ones, they’d actually have something to show for it. Maybe a corporate video, a few handouts, hell, even a Post IT note with an IOU from their ad agency promising something big and fancy – something worth more than $500, 000.
Nope.
Nadda.
Nothing.
All I got from my conversation with the marketing manager was a lot of excuses, worried exchanges when I started questioning her timelines and deadlines, and then a lot of feeble attempts to get me to not mention this to anyone else in the company.
And she was so slick too. She’s a pro when it comes to crying the innocent whilst guilty game.
“Oh, I thought our meeting was tomorrow?”
No, you emailed your confirmation for today’s meeting this morning – don’t you read your own email?
“Oh, that’s not what I was told, we were told that our marketing pieces were just nice to have’s for the training,” Kristen the marketing moron – I mean manager – yeah, that’s what she likes to think she is – says.
As soon as I started mentioning how I’d have to confirm everything she was telling me with one of the executives, she started to come up with reasons why I shouldn’t bother.
“Don’t worry, we’ll talk to her.”
“You don’t want to get involved in this mess, we’ve been going back and forth on this for ages.”
I bet you have – you’re great at evading and deception marketing moron – whoops – I mean marketing manager – but low on actually producing.
I just shake my head and wonder how these bozos managed to stay on in their jobs for so long. Don’t the hire-ups care about their company enough to want it to succeed? Don’t they see the waste, the lack of commitment, the lack of – well – of marketing?
Don’t they?
Like I said, the marketing managers are probably blowing more than just budgets to keep their nice cozy and very cushy gigs.
To bad all the execs are men, I’d love to make money for nothing.
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