Today I Go Naked

Earlier this week, all the news outlets started reporting that the temperature on Thursday will hit 18C – all while the temperature was a chilly -5C.

That’s quite the temperature change – from mild winter conditions to hot summer-like temperatures, all in the span of a couple of days.

I have nothing against the weather forecasters – they tell us what to wear for the day. If it is too cold or too hot, that’s not our problem, thanks to being informed as to what to wear by these folk.

Still, I find their accuracy questionable. Short-range and current conditions are usually spot on, but long-range forecasts – sheesh – I’d have better luck predicting the weather with fuzzy dice.

Technology is a wonderful thing, but it hasn’t been so hot at predicting hot spells or wind chills more than a couple of days away.

So, at work, naturally everyone coming in all bundled in big burly winter gear was talking about these massive temperature predictions for later in the week.

“Ya hear it will go up to 18C,” one co-worker enthused.

“Yeah, WOW – 18-degrees, that’s warm enough to go golfing,” said another.

“I don’t believe it,” I said of the weather predictions being made. “If it happens, I’ll come in naked.”

Everyone laughed, thinking I was joking.

I wasn’t joking, but I don’t think I’ll be going into work naked. The weathermen (and weatherwomen) are nice people, and they can tell us whatever satellite bullshit they want. I’ve been on this earth long enough to know that most of their long-range forecasts aren’t worth the paper they are printed on.

I’m sure they have some pretty pictures and amazing images fed to them from computer models, some may have even got up the courage to do their own research (instead of relying on Environment Canada as they almost all do) and dug up information to support their outrageous claims. Some may even be staking their very reputations on this temperature increase.

All a bunch of hooey.

Once the day as come and gone, and after all is said, everyone will forget the predictions of the past and continue in their daily lives. We’ll all bitch and complain in the wind chill, about the errors made by the weather dude. But that bitchin and complaining will only last as long as our short-term memories tend too.

In a couple of days, we’ll all forget about the wrong long-term forecast – just as we always do.

That’s how they keep their cushy gigs. Stealing a forecast off of the federal government’s weather service, having some in-house graphic artist mock-up and customize this very same forecast to look like their own, and then go on-air and claiming the forecast is their own, that’s how the business of telling the weather on television works.

Sure, they tell you it is “their” forecast and that they are using their own computer models. Do you really think a television station has the millions of dollars it takes to maintain a series of global weather stations to get all those stats? What about the images from space? Satellite time costs hundreds of dollars an hour – do you think these bozos have the funds to keep that up all day and night for a two-minute section on the evening news?

Nope.

They steal their weather stats from Environment Canada up here and The National Weather Service in the States.

They make all these promises too, to keep the false face of having their own information on the card table. Some even have these “weather guarantees” and all.

All lies, LIES I tell ya – LIES.

I won’t be going to work naked – not because of pride but because of common sense. Long-range technology hasn’t progressed enough for those predictions to come true.

Sad thing is, weather technologies could improve, if and only if, the bozo that feeds you these lies on the air, actually took the time to really sit down and do some of his or her own research. If all these so-called “meteorologists” actually took the time to do some hard work for a change, there would be technological improvements over time.

Instead, we’ll just have to settle for the lies.